Defining A Very Common Human Emotion: Jealousy

Jealousy- it’s a very unpleasant feeling of overwhelming anxiety you wish you didn’t ever feel, right? Jealousy bubbles up when you feel there’s a threat to something that’s very precious to you, especially in your personal relationships. Jealousy is famously dramatized by Shakespeare triggering doubts and fears in your mind when you see someone else flirting with your partner.

What makes jealousy even worse is the fact that it dwells on your deepest insecurities and desires. Here’s one good thing about jealousy though- it can also mean that your partner cares about you and is committed to you.

Ultimately, it boils down to how YOU handle it. Does jealousy spark a healthy conversation for you to communicate about your needs and boundaries? Or does it spark destructive and toxic behavior inside you?

So, the next time you are feeling jealous, perhaps take it as a cue to truly introspect what’s truly stirring beneath the surface.

Let us in this blog, dive deep into the sheer complexities of what jealousy means in a relationship, and learn how to curb this negative emotion before it jeopardizes the bond you’ve worked so hard to build with your partner.

A person might resent someone who they see as a threat to their relationship, because their loved one is giving that third-person attention. Jealousy also accompanies emotions like resentment, hostility, and bitterness.

Different Causes Of Jealousy In A Romantic Relationship:

The source of jealousy and envy towards your partner can arise for one or multiple reasons. Some of the common reasons due to which couples are triggered by jealous emotions are:

• If you have low self-esteem, unhealed trauma and abandonment issues, emotions that are usually triggered because you weren’t showered with enough emotional love and affection as a child. You might automatically start thinking that your partner might leave you for no reason. This results in your mind making up threats of relationship split, when none exist in reality.
• Say your partner didn’t text you for a long time. Your mind, instead of thinking that they might be in a position due to which they can’t text, you think, “Oh shit, he is probably cheating on me”, or “he doesn’t love me, that’s why he isn’t texting me and replying to my messages”.
• If you have previously been cheated on by an ex-partner, you might carry that trauma that leads your mind to believe that your current partner will cheat on you too. Past trauma can leave lasting scars on an individual that impacts every relationship that they are in.
• Fear of loss of one partner might make you behave in a clingy manner with them, because your mind automatically feels that letting them go beyond your sight would mean that they will never come back because of some unforeseen mishap.
• Last but not the least, constant comparison of yourself with another person who you perceive as a threat. Someone who might take away your partner from you, can also trigger feelings of jealousy. In this day and age where social media is a part of our life, your partner, following someone, liking someone’s pictures or responding to them, might cause you to feel envious and betrayed.
• For an instance, you’re at a party where your partner introduces you to a colleague who is insanely good looking. You think to yourself, “Wow, that person must be the boss’s favorite” or, “So, my spouse follows their colleague on IG, I wonder what they are hiding from me”.
• Most often than not, your mind makes up scenarios that dont even exist in the first place and you start worrying over nothing.

Ways To Tackle Jealousy In A Healthy Manner:

Now that we have the main reasons why the green-eyed monster of jealousy is so apparent and common in so many relationships, especially romantic ones, let us discuss how to tame this monster and create a relationship that is full of trust, security and love. Here are seven ways to stop jealousy in a relationship:

1. Develop Self-Worth:

The first step to overcoming jealousy is to develop a sense of self-worth. If you feel you are not worthy of someone’s love, you will always feel that they will leave you or abandon you. To develop the sense of security and safety within yourself, you have to tend to the emotions that have caused this lack of self-worth in the first place. Often, such issues can be sourced back to emotional neglect that has happened in your childhood. If you’re unable to deal with these feelings on your own, you can try to talk to a relationship coach or a therapist.

Read More: How To Develop Self-Love & Strengthen Your Relationships

2. Communicate Honestly:

The second step to overcoming jealousy is to openly communicate with your partner or someone you trust, and share with them your deepest darkest fears, and why you feel that they will abandon you. If your partner is an understanding and caring human being, they will definitely try to understand you. They will take necessary actions so that you feel secure in your relationship and can overcome your fears.

3. Establish Boundaries:

The third step to overcome jealousy is to establish clear boundaries with your partner. Especially with regards to when they interact with other people. When you are in a relationship, there might be behaviors that are unacceptable and akin to cheating, such as flirting, texting someone who is not your partner, and personal life situations. Setting boundaries can help prevent future misunderstandings.

4. Deal With Negative Emotions:

The fourth step to overcoming jealousy is by dealing with the negative thoughts that fuel jealousy in you. As human beings, we are highly emotional creatures, and sometimes lack of control of our emotions makes us think the worst of every situation. We have to train our minds to change that.

5. Identify Your Triggers:

The fifth step to overcoming jealousy is to identify what triggers these emotions. When you identify triggers and weak points, you can train yourself to develop healthy coping mechanisms to navigate through your emotions in a healthier manner.

6. Learn to Be a Secure Person:

The sixth step by which you can overcome jealousy is by feeling secure and cultivating a sense of trust. You have to understand and accept that what another human being is thinking and doing, or what they might feel or do is beyond your control. So, harbouring bitter feelings because you don’t feel secure, does nothing but build resentment. Instead, if you feel secure with yourself and accept that what your partner does is mostly not in your control, you will feel peaceful. After all, they are the ones who chose you, so you can trust them.

7. Build A Life Outside Your Relationship:

The last, but certainly not the least way to stop jealousy from taking over your relationship is by having a life outside your relationship. For many of you, your relationship might be the most important thing in your life, but I feel it is a lot of pressure on one person to be everything to you. This is why you have to develop your own hobbies, exercise and meditate to keep negative thoughts at bay.

These were my tips and tricks for overcoming jealousy in a relationship. By following these steps and taking active measures, you can nurture your relationship into a flourishing garden of long-term happiness.