Before writing this blog article, I researched many articles and blogs. I found how the authors of those articles called a female led marriage a unique, different, and out-of-the-box sort of a relationship
Now, considering our history and ancient times, I can see why many authors, relationship coaches, and psychology graduates might find it a non-conventional relationship. So let’s understand what a female-led relationship or female-led marriage is.
In the traditional relationship or marriage, the man is the breadwinner. He makes the most essential decisions. The woman is the housewife and cares for the kids.
Whereas in a female-led marriage, the woman takes most of the decisions, is financially independent, and brings home money.
But I would like to point out a slight difference between this article and all the other articles on the internet.
Female-led marriages or female-led relationships aren’t about power dominance. They aren’t about degrading the man’s ‘manhood’. They aren’t about flaunting a woman’s capacity and ability to be the provider for her family.
Female-led relationships are about a mutual agreement between the man and the woman where the man does not feel dominated or intimidated by his woman. The woman doesn’t have to prove her ‘worth’ to the world by being the breadwinner.
The most obvious question here is whether female-led marriages work and whether men can survive in a relationship or a marriage. The woman takes up the responsibility of making decisions and taking care of the finances.
This reminds me of a Bollywood movie that came in 2016: Ki and Ka, wherein the husband took charge of the house, cleaning, and grocery shopping, and the wife worked in an MNC as the Vice-President of Marketing.
Watching the movie, I felt that it was possible. A man could be a stay-at-home partner and find happiness in doing the household chores, and the woman excelled at their work and made heaps of money; the man can express vulnerability without having to stay toughened up.
Having said that, let’s understand if a female-led relationship or female-led marriage works and how!
A simple answer to this question is- Yes.
Female-led marriages or female-led relationships work because the man doesn’t have to stay burdened all the time with all kinds of decisions to be made. Instead, the woman takes charge of things outside the house, and the man controls the house.
The female partner takes the financial decisions, major investments, expenditures, etc., are taken care of by the female partner; the male partner trusts and respects her decisions.
In sexual terms also, the female takes charge, and the male partner feels satisfied and happy about it.
In terms of social events and maintaining a social presence, the female has the authority and responsibility to decide which social events and gatherings to attend and arrange for. Her male partner is okay with all the decisions that are being made.
Nowhere does it mean that the male partner is left behind, not listened to, or not paid attention to. On the contrary, if the male partner has opinions or ideas about certain things, she has an equal say in the decision-making.
However, the final say is of the female partner, which includes her male partner’s considerations, inputs, and opinions.
A female-led relationship or marriage is a few steps ahead of an equal partnership between the husband and wife that ensures that the female takes care of most of the outside work while the husband takes care of the kids, house, food, etc.
Let’s take a look at different types of female-led marriages.
A female-led relationship can come under a few categories that we have briefly discussed below:
In the mild level of female control, the woman takes all the critical decisions in the house while considering her male partner’s/ husband’s opinions. She consults her partner while or before making crucial decisions and informs him about the important things, like the implications of the decision, reasons for certain things, etc. This type of female-led marriage is a marriage of equality, and mutually shared responsibilities.
The woman makes all the decisions about the home and outside of it. She decides what color of sofas will be purchased, which car they will get, where the kids should study, what sector they should invest in, etc. Their male counterparts are okay with such an arrangement as they don’t have to worry about most things.
But as a disadvantage, if the man is bothered by this arrangement, such a relationship or marriage can ultimately become problematic. He may not feel comfortable around his wife.
In the complete dominant control level of the female-led marriage, the woman commands everything. The man is usually the submissive one, asking no questions and offering no input. In bed, too, the female takes complete charge.
From a man’s perspective, a female-led marriage is better because of: Better communication, shared responsibilities, less or no financial burden, no need of staying ‘tough’ and ‘strong’, and freedom to explore other aspects of a relationship instead of only focusing on being the provider of the family. Let’s not forget- more excitement in bed!
Keeping all these benefits in mind, a female-led marriage or female-led relationship sounds much better than a traditional marriage or relationship.
A man in female-led marriage doesn’t have to break his neck dealing with or face all sorts of challenging situations in life. He doesn’t have to worry about things where he may not think rationally or is expected to give more finances.
The female-led relationship is best for men who want to share a life with their partner in all aspects- finances, decisions, households, kids, and family.
That brings us to our next question- What traits should men have if they want to be in a female-led relationship/ marriage. But we shall discuss that later.
Since man and woman have trodden the earth of sharing a life, women in a female-led marriage will take crucial decisions at home and outside the home. Most women are great at these, whether it’s about money, kids’ education, and future savings.
There’s one more aspect to this kind of relationship. We see female-led marriage in homes where the man is ignorant about his responsibilities beyond the office. For example, he could be an alcoholic, unemployed, or might suffer from health issues. In this scenario, the woman has no option but to take charge.
This also gives a chance to the man to care for the kids. For example, he could prepare some food, clean the house, take care of the shopping, and so on. There are tons of things to do in running a successful home, and it always takes two to tango!
While there are many good things about living in a female-led marriage or relationship, it has its downfall too.
Men become insecure. They may have envy bubbling inside them. Many men may object that their wife or female partner is making more money than they are. Such men may have been raised to think of a traditional man who doesn’t cook, manage the households, clean the house, or take care of the kids.
In this sense, a man’s emotional or mental peace may be disrupted because they haven’t been conditioned or raised to think otherwise.
When he sees his woman mingling with several men (friends, colleagues, and even clients), it might trigger their possessive or envious nature. It may also spike his insecurity.
Female-led marriages don’t work with men who like to dominate their partners. Hence, this type of arrangement doesn’t work, and results in many arguments and fights between couples. They cannot live with a woman who wants to call all the shots and make decisions independently.
Before we understand how a couple in a female-led marriage can achieve the right balance, let’s discuss the traits a man should have in a female-led relationship.
The man wanting to be in a female-led relationship must possess the willingness and open-mindedness to question or doubt his wife’s ability to make decisions. He must be willing to share an equal life with her where they both or only she may be earning, paying bills, and keeping a record of the taxes and other major investments that the house and family need.
Being a woman with a powerful position and mindset, you can look for a man who knows to express himself. A man doesn’t always have to toughen up for his family’s sake. Instead, he shall not be afraid to have a breakdown or cry or be vulnerable.
The man in a female-led relationship doesn’t have to depend solely on his woman for his personality. He should be a free thinker who can think for himself. He should understand the consequences of situations and think independently. A woman would like to have a partner who can step up and solve problems when such a situation arises.
We don’t see any problem in lining up in a female-led marriage so long as both partners have the freedom of thought and expression; both of them share a life of equality and step up in each other’s absence.
Both the partners know to give each other ample space for their mental and emotional growth despite being by their side. They respect each other.
The women in female-led relationships aren’t Hitlers or extremely dominant creatures who don’t let their partners breathe. Instead, they are powerful, and they seek someone as powerful and independent who understands their nature and supports them.
Considering all these things, the couple in a female-led marriage or relationship can attain the right balance in their relationship.
Female-led marriage takes two powerful and open-minded partners to sustain with the best rewards. Men and women in a female-led relationship are not more or less. They are equal and have only swapped the roles of traditional marriage.
The right balance, understanding, mutual respect, and willingness to keep working towards the marriage will ensure a smooth running of the marriage or relationship!
