Picture this: a relationship filled with passion, deep connection, and mind-blowing moments. Sounds enticing, right? Unlike in ancient times, sex and intimacy are not confined to making babies. It’s about pleasure, fulfilment, and connection. Please know that there is no physical intimacy without emotional intimacy. Take a look at the following example:
Chris and Lisa used to have a vibrant and passionate sex life, but they’ve found themselves drifting apart over time due to several reasons. They rarely engage in physical affection. And even when they do, it feels mechanical and doesn’t do anything to further their emotional connection. Both partners feel frustrated and distant, unsure of how to rekindle the same spark. They have attempted to address the issue but find it difficult due to unawareness of how to approach each other with their feelings. Lisa feels self-conscious about her changing body after having children. Chris is concerned about whether he is meeting Lisa’s needs and desires. This lack of communication and vulnerability further hinders them from reconnecting both physically and emotionally.
Therapy sessions taught them to acknowledge their desires, insecurities, and fears and openly communicate them. The therapist helped them understand that physical intimacy involves emotional connection, trust, and ongoing communication. They also made a conscious effort to prioritize quality time together. They set aside specific evenings each week where they enjoy activities such as cooking together, going for walks, or watching movies. This dedicated time allows them to reconnect emotionally, laying the foundation for rebuilding physical intimacy.
Well, buckle up now and look at the following tips on how to increase intimacy in your relationship.
Explore your partner’s body with different types of touch. Start with soft caresses, gradually increasing pressure and intensity. Use your fingertips, lips, and tongue to caress your skin, focusing on erogenous zones like the neck, inner thighs, and ears.
Dedicate a generous amount of time to foreplay before diving into intercourse. Experiment with kissing, nibbling, fondling and sucking on sensitive areas. Tease and tantalize your partner; talk in a way your partner likes- whisper sweet nothings, compliments, etc., in their ear. Discuss your fantasies together. Be curious about each other- “What do you want me to do next?”. Prioritise their comfort- “Is this okay?“, “Should I keep doing this?” Let them know how good they are making you feel- “I love it when you do ___.” or “This feels so good.” Give your speech a variety; raunchy and colourful language often furthers the arousal.
Get adventurous and try new sexual positions to discover what brings you pleasure. Exploring different positions adds variety and excitement to your intimate moments, given you both are comfortable with them. Whether it’s the Standing Wheelbarrow, the Pearly Gates, or the Deep Spoon, you can add spice to your intimate life with new positions.
Share your deepest fantasies and create a safe space to explore them. You can share the fantasies you both would be comfortable with and look forward to doing. Experiment with role-playing, acting out in different scenarios, reconnecting after a fight, costumes and lingerie, a holiday in a luxurious resort suite, and several other fantasies.
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Suggest using sensual props and toys in your playtime to enhance pleasure and stimulation. Blindfolds, silk scarves, massage oils, vibrators, or feather ticklers can intensify sensations and add an extra element of excitement to your encounters.
Devote time to pleasuring your partner orally. Experiment with a combination of your lips, tongue, and hands. Start slow and steady to build up the arousal and increase in pressure and intensity. Pay close attention to the rhythm they most react to. You can also prolong the buildup by pulling back and going slow again. Check-in with them while pleasing them- “Is this pace okay?” or “Should I slow down?”
Please note that checking in with your partner before and during the act ensures that their pleasure matters to you. It builds their trust in you and connects you better, both intimately and emotionally.
Throughout the day, exchange sexy messages and build anticipation for an intimate evening together. Describe in explicit detail what you want to do to your partner or recall past encounters that left you both breathless. Use smutty and raunchy language to titillate them. Go uncensored about the things you want to do to them and want them to do to you- “I can’t wait to feel you inside me”, “I want you to f**k me like you mean it”, “I want to make you come with my mouth” or “Touch yourself, I want to watch,” etc.
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Dive into erotic literature or watch sensual videos as a couple to ignite your imagination and inspire new ideas. Discuss what arouses you both and use those ideas from the stories or videos in your intimate acts. This can be one of the most effective ways to increase physical intimacy in a relationship.
Welcome and accept the excitement of role-playing by embodying different characters and scenarios. Dress up in costumes, use props, and absorb yourself in the roles you’ve created. Let your insecurities and doubts fade away as you explore new dynamics and indulge in a world of shared fantasies.
Pleasure yourselves simultaneously while maintaining eye contact. Explore different techniques, rhythms, and pressures while observing and appreciating each other’s responses. This intimate act creates a deeper connection as you share the pleasure and vulnerability of self-pleasure.
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Hang on. It doesn’t end here. Some of our audience may not resonate with some tips and strategies mentioned here. So here are some additional tips on how to increase physical intimacy in a relationship in a culturally different context.
Establish a foundation of open and honest communication with your partner. Discuss your desires, boundaries, and fantasies without judgment or fear of reprisal. Creating a safe space for each other so one can share is essential.
You can do it by listening to them share their thoughts without judgement or premonition. Validate their experiences and feelings whether or not you understand them. Appreciate them opening up and reciprocate it by being vulnerable with them. Assert healthy boundaries about what you are comfortable sharing or talking about with them, and what activities are acceptable to you during intercourse. This ensures there is mutual respect for each other’s preferences and boundaries in the relationship.
In the previous point, I encourage couples to engage in open communication, active listening, and creating a safe space for one another. Emotional connection ensues with such vulnerability and openness. It brings honesty in the relationship and creates a judgement free zone for both the partners. Partners can engage in various activities to build their emotional connection.
Go for long walks together, cook a meal together, share stories from childhood, listen to them share their experiences, exercise or meditate together, and engage in deep conversations about life and goals.
Everyone celebrates sensuality and the beauty of physical touch. Engage in sensual activities like giving each other light massages, taking sensual baths together, or engaging in gentle caresses. Such experiences can awaken the senses and build anticipation.
You can surprise your partner with warm oil massages while paying attention to their reactions. Play soft music, light aromatic candles, use fruits and chocolates to enhance the sensations, and appreciate each touch.
Take care of your physical well-being and enhance your self-confidence. Engage in regular exercise, maintain personal hygiene, and dress in a way that makes you feel attractive and comfortable. Feeling good about yourself builds self-security and can positively impact your willingness to engage in physical intimacy.
Each relationship is unique; adapt these suggestions and techniques to align with your values, preferences, and comfort levels. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore, you can improve physical intimacy and enjoy a more fulfilling relationship.
