Arranged marriages hold a deep-rooted place in many cultures, offering a blend of tradition, family values, and societal expectations. My journey through arranged marriage highlights the importance of various considerations that come into play, helping others prepare for this significant life decision. I shall also discuss a couple of different arranged marriage setups, further helping you understand your dynamics and prepare accordingly.

My Journey

Unlike many modern Indian marriages, mine was entirely arranged, funded, and sponsored by our families. The meeting with my future husband, too, was orchestrated by our parents. From the wedding dresses and jewellery to the wedding gifts, everything was meticulously arranged by our families. I did not have to contribute financially. Our future financial stability was also never the topic of discussion since my husband came from a well-off family. Our conversations revolved around personal aspirations and values rather than financial planning and other practical logistics.

Key Questions For Couples To Consider Before A Similar Arranged Marriage

In a marriage where financial stability is given, and much of the logistics aspects are handled by families, the focus shifts to understanding each other’s values, aspirations, and compatibility. Here are some key questions to consider:

Personal Values And Beliefs:

• What are your core beliefs and values?
• How important is religion or spirituality in your life?
• How do you practice your faith?
• Are there any religious practices or rituals you expect to follow together?

Life Aspirations:

• What are your career goals and ambitions?
• What personal goals do you want to achieve in the next five years?
• How do you envision your ideal life?

Family Dynamics:

• How important is family to you, and how do you prioritise your family relationships?
• What are your views on the roles and responsibilities of family members?
• How do you handle conflicts and disagreements in the family?

Communication And Conflict Resolution:

• How do you prefer to communicate about important issues?
• Are you comfortable discussing your feelings and emotions openly?
  What is your approach to resolving misunderstandings or conflicts?

Suggested Reading: 10 Tips for Effective Communication in a New Relationship

Health And Well-Being: 

• What are your habits regarding diet, exercise, and overall health?
• How do you manage stress and maintain mental health?
• Are there any health issues or concerns I should know about?

Lifestyle Preferences:

• What are your hobbies and interests?
• How do you like to spend your free time?
• What are your views on work-life balance?

Social Life And Personal Space:

• How important is maintaining friendships and socialising to you?
• How do you feel about social events and activities and entertaining guests at home?
• How do you handle personal space and alone time?

Expectations For Personal Growth:

• How important is personal growth and self-improvement for you?
• What are your thoughts about further studies or career advancement?
• How can we support each other’s personal growth and development?

Vision For Future:

• What are your long-term goals for the relationship?
• What are your dreams about the family and future generations?
• How do you envision our life together in the next five or ten years?

Independent Couples And Financial Planning:

In contrast, many modern couples, particularly who are financially independent, need to address broader topics and aspects before entering an arranged marriage. From wedding planning to future planning, they often take care of these things themselves. It leads to a different type of pre-wedding discussion.

Key Things For Independent Couples To Consider Before An Arranged Marriage:

Financial Responsibilities:

• How will we manage the wedding expenses?
• What are your financial goals and how do you manage your finances?
• Do you have any debts or financial obligations?
• How do you handle financial emergencies?
• Are you comfortable discussing or planning a budget together?
• What are your views on spending on luxuries and necessities?

Living Arrangements:

• Where do you envision living after marriage?
• How do you feel about living with or near in-laws?
• What are your preferences for household chores and other responsibilities?
• Are you open to relocating for career opportunities?
• How do you feel about long-distance relationships, if necessary for work?

Savings And Investments:

• How much do you think we should save monthly?
• What are your thoughts about investing in stocks, real estate, or other ventures?
• What are your views about joint versus separate bank accounts?
• What are your long-term financial goals (buying a house, retirement plan, etc.)
• Do you have any specific long-term plan or dreams (e.g. starting a business)?

Family Involvement:

• How often will we visit our families?
• How involved do you feel families should be in our lives?
• What are your views on supporting extended family financially or emotionally?
• How do you handle your family conflicts or disagreements?
• Are there any family traditions you expect us to continue?

In many underdeveloped and developing countries, the situation can be quite different. The familial and societal cultural pressures can lead to marriages where personal preferences are not considered. In such scenarios, couples can learn to navigate their life together without the foundational discussions that could ease their transitions into the marriage.

Key Things In Different Cultural Context To Consider Before An Arranged Marriage:

• What are your core beliefs or faith?
• How important is religion or spiritiuality in life?
• How do you practice your beliefs or faith?
• Are there any particular religious practices you expect us to follow?
• What are your views on raising children with religious or cultural values?
• Are there any health concerns or issues I should be aware of?
• How do you approach physical fitness and mental health?
• What are your preferences in terms of diet, exercise, alcohol, and other substances?
• How do you handle stress and other mental health challenges?
• What qualities do you value the most in a partner?
• How do you handle conflicts and disagreements?
• What is your love langauge?
• What are your expectations for physical intimacy and personal space?
• What are your hobbies and interests?
• How do you feel about socialising and maintaining friendships?
• How do you feel about social activities, events, and entertaining guests at home?
• How do you wish to spend your personal and alone time?

Sexual Preferences And Expectations: 

Discussing sexual preferences and expectations is crucial in ensuring a healthier and consensual sexual life in a marriage. In rural and semi-urban settings, while discussions about sex might be a taboo, it becomes even more important to prevent misunderstandings and potential abuse.

Suggested Reading: How To Understand And Build Intimacy In Every Relationship

Key Questions On Sexual Preferences: 

• What are your views on sex and intimacy in marriage?
• How important is physical intimacy to you?
• How comfortable are you discussing sexual matters openly?
• Are there any specific sexual practices or preferences that are important to you?
• Do you have any boundaries or practices you are not comfortable with?
• How do you feel about exploring new sexual activities together?
• What is your preferred frequency of sexual activity?
• How do you handle differences in libido and sexual desire?
• How important is sexual compatibility for you?
• How do you communicate your sexual desire and needs?
• How do you handle situations where your partner is not in the mood for sex?
• What are your views on consent and mutual respect in sexual relationships?

There is no set rule for how one should approach an arranged marriage set up or what things they have to consider before entering one. Each situation is unique, each couple is different. And similarly, their preferences and social, cultural, familial, and personal practices will also be different. However, these questions are for the foundational discussion of an arranged marriage where the individuals discuss practical aspects of a married life.