Says Jay over a chat last week. He complains about his horrid past affecting him till today. He feels no way to get out of it. Digging further, I get to learn that he was a child who grew up in a hostile environment; with abusive parents, who would always fight with each other, lay hands on one another, blame him for their problems, and beat him for minor things!

He comes from a family that deprived him of any emotional support, affection, love and warmth from his parents. He is an adult lacking all these things and now probably living a life where he thinks that love, warmth, and affection are unavailable. He doesn’t feel love for himself.

And just like Jay, many people out there are like that. 

How have I helped my clients stuck in their childhood of deprivation? What suggestions have I given to them during their healing?

Self-Parenting- Unlearning things that were normalised despite being problematic, and learning useful things despite doubting their existence.

That includes:

• Taking care of yourself.
• Giving yourself a break when you are exhausted.
• Accepting your body and feeling comfortable in your skin.
• Doing what you are passionate about.
• Making friends based on your liking, and not your parents’.
• Taking decisions for yourself because you can.
• Accepting that your worth is not determined by how much you make but by how happy you are.
• Knowing that your parents made mistakes that you will not repeat.
• Getting help when you need it.
• Understanding that you are a different human being from your parents and not their reflection.

But let’s take a look at self-parenting in detail. Let’s begin to understand the art of self-parenting for healing from your past.

What is Self-Parenting?

Emotional help is something that every human requires at some point in their lives. And we often crave a shoulder to lean on. Despite having friends, we don’t feel like we can open up to them. We may feel empty, lonely, or perpetually sad. And we may not know what to do about it.

So, the solution has to come from within. People from different spheres may suggest you grow up, be more open to the world’s good things, read books on self-help, and talk to friends. But they may not provide you with long-term solutions. And that’s where self-parenting comes in. It is a wonderful process of developing a mature, compassionate and loving parent out of oneself.

However, I shall still recommend some books on reparenting that may help you gain some insight into the concept and help you. But I shall enlist a more practical approach to how self-parenting can help you heal from within.

Self-parenting is not a skill that develops overnight. Instead, it may take years for you to understand that sometimes it is only you who can heal yourself. Self-parenting is a skill that teaches you to strike a balance between what you want and what works best for you.

It will not only teach you to be helpful to yourself but also to the people around you. Once you learn self-parenting, you will be able to pass it on to your kids too. We can only give others what we have learnt, giving ourselves.

What is Reparenting?

Our parents raised us like they were taught to. They raised us based on their parenting learning or how they deemed it fit to bring up children. In their approach to parenting, they made some wonderful changes that made us who we are today. And in that same approach to parenting, they made some grave mistakes that shaped us into who we are today. 

We, as children, soaked all that we were given- mannerisms, attitudes, specific reactions to similar situations, and habits that never left us. The child in us soaked the impressions of the world. Emotionally, we became what we were being shown or what we were seeing.

All those impressions stayed in our unconscious minds, and we grew up with them as our core values and personality. What became our core personality didn’t turn out all that great. They became the symptoms of:

• Body image issues
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Addictions
• Relationship issues
• Commitment issues
• Intolerance and Lack of Acceptance, etc.

As adults, we gradually begin to understand what may have impacted us and helped us become who we have become. We begin to identify where some things went wrong.

And then sets in reparenting. You identify, understand, accept, and UNLEARN certain parts of your personality as a way of resolving your childhood pain.

But how do you identify what didn’t turn out great in you? How do you feel that something may be leaving you off, or sad or burdened?

The answer to that is- your kids. When you become a parent, you raise your kids the same way you were raised. And when you see your child behaving in a manner that may feel familiar to you, you stop. You stop treating them the way you’ve been doing. You ask yourself: Why am I doing what I am doing?  

You meet yourself in your child, and you may want to bring some changes. The next question is: Where do you start?

One of my closest friends has been evaluating her parenting for a while now. She now concludes that she repeats the same habits her parents applied to her.

I told her first to start working on herself. “ How’s that even possible? My childhood is over now.” She said. 

Many of us might hold the same belief. We may believe we have moved past our childhood stage, and now as adults, we know what’s best for our child. But the truth is, we don’t. And we cannot until we have made an effort to recognise what we missed as a child and resolve it. 

This process is reparenting. Be a parent to yourself. Give yourself what you did not get as a kid.

Books on Reparenting

1. Reparenting Yourself: Growing up Again, Recovering Your Lost Soul:

In this book, Art Martin talks about eight qualities of unconditional love that can help you be a better parent to yourself and your kids.

It talks about repeating the same mistakes that our parents committed and how this pattern is being passed from one generation to another. 

The book suggests that you can improve your parent-child relationship only by reparenting yourself. 

2. Parent Yourself Again-

Authored by Yong Kang Chan, this book teaches you ways to be your own parent.

 You are an adult now. You still might be craving for things that you did not get as a child. It’s time to nurture yourself the way you’ve always wanted to.

This book will help you learn-

• The dynamics of a parent-child relationship.
• Your childhood might affect your adult life in ways you never expected.
• How to work on your inner parent?

3. The Inner Child Workbook-

It is step-by-step guidance offered by recovery therapist Cathryn Taylor to heal all the fears and emotions left unnoticed.

This book consists of a series of written and verbal exercises, journaling, mirror work and many more to change your present, affected by your past. 

4. Self-Parenting: The Complete Guide To Your Inner Conversations

This amazing book by John K. Pollard focuses on your relationship with your inner parent. It outlines steps to positive self-parenting and describes how your inner child needs to be parented by the parent within you. It teaches you how your relationship with others is the reflection of your relationship with yourself.

How Does Self-Parenting Help?

As Nancy Colier says in Psychology Today, “In life, the person you spend the most time with is yourself. With even the smallest degree of proper self-parenting, you will start to notice that you feel more relaxed, more loved, that you are more trusting, happier and more alive.” 

Being an adult is a daunting task. Work, family, responsibilities, loans, etc., keep you occupied. You may not know how to do ‘adulting’, but you are expected to suddenly grow out of your childhood and unmet needs as a child and act like an adult. You are expected to make money to support your family. You are expected to take care of the kids, bills, family, house, and everything under the sun.

But how are you able to do all of it when the child in you is still longing for parental love? How do you cope with the challenges of being an adult when the inner child is still waiting for someone to hold them, comfort them, give them a pat on the back and say, ‘It’s all right. I am right here. You have done an incredible job!’

Self-parenting is the process of recognising those empty spaces in your heart and filling them with the love that comes from within you. Self-parenting is the art of you becoming your parent and telling yourself, ‘It’s all right. I am right here. You have done an incredible job!’ 

Let’s go through the steps to self-parenting one by one.

4 Steps to Self-Parenting

1. The conflict between the inner child and inner parent:

Accessing the parent in you is an exercise in locating and developing the ability to parent. You recognise particular abilities within that require your patience, love, support, presence, and consciousness. You access the conflict between the inner child and the inner parent.

You have to become compassionate with the child within you who grew up in an environment where support wasn’t available. You have to be present with your inner child who experienced the abundance of parental absence.

If you are a parent, think of the time when you were compassionate, conscious, and entirely present for your baby. Think of the time when you weren’t frustrated or stressed. Think of when you looked forward to loving your child, being the parent that you are!

You may require some time to understand the child’s requirements: Do they long for something? What is their age? What is their utmost fear? What makes them happy? What makes them feel safe? How do they think most of the time?

When you access the child’s requirements and the ability of the parent within you, you come close to understanding and easing the conflict between the two.

2. Understanding what is self-parenting:

This will bring out the emotion of healing. Understanding what self-parenting is makes you look for small cues on the face of the inner child. The child inside your heart feels the same emotion as your present self. A sense of safety, comfort, being loved, being heard, or being cared for.

These are things that your inner parent does to the inner child:

1. Listen to their voice.
2. Comfort them with calmness
3. Don’t shut down their complex emotions.
4. Please encourage them to feel whatever they are feeling
5. Allow them  to vent it all out
6. Instil within them your faith and love
7. Cradle the inner child when they start to fall apart
8. Don’t yell at yourself for being different

The inner child begins to feel negative emotions towards themself or anyone else fade away. They begin to understand the language of love the inner parent is now using. They start to respond to the affection you are providing yourself.

3. Implement your learning of each self:

You are aware of your inner child’s needs. You are mindful of what your inner parent has to offer and can offer. The next step is to implement all those learnings.

The key things to give yourself are:

1. Time
2. Patience
3. Encouragement
4.  Emotional and Mental upliftment

With all of it present, the parental self will know how to cater to the child’s needs. Self-parenting doesn’t mean acting out in any manner you feel like. It means recognising your triggers and allowing yourself the time and patience to let them settle. It will enable you to be in control of your reactions. It teaches you to transform your reactions into responses.

4. Constant Practice:

It all doesn’t end here. The practice of self-parenting is constant and consistent. You don’t get results in one day or week. Self-parenting needs to be present at times of your extreme highs and extreme lows.

Self-parenting is not impossible. It’s very much possible, and it’s as practical as it can be. Like any other skill, self-parenting needs to be practised every day, in every moment of despair or happiness.

The parent in you knows what the child in you needs. Self-parenting enables the parental self to provide for the child-self and make them capable.

Winding Up

The concept of self-parenting might appear unnatural to many of you because you are an adult now. But it is a fact that many of us carry the wound of our childhood even as adults.

That’s why it is upon you to parent yourself and give yourself the love that you were deprived of as a child. 

You’re 18. You’ve just entered college. Your schedule is packed with lectures, assignments, and hangouts. But your bank account? It’s looking a little thin.

We’ve all been there—asking parents for every single treat or trip feels awkward. But here’s the secret: You are living in the best time to be a student in India. You don’t need a degree to start earning; you need a laptop, a decent internet connection, or a bit of hustle.

Whether you want to work from your hostel room or get out into the real world, here are 25 skills and platforms to help you stack that cash.

1. The Digital Hustle (Online Skills)

Content & Writing

• Freelance Content Writing: Brands need blogs. Join Pepper Content or ContentMart (India-specific) to find work.

• Copywriting: Writing ads that sell. Use Upwork to find global clients.

• Proofreading & Editing: If you’re a grammar nerd, check out Reedsy.

• Translation: Fluent in Hindi, Marathi, or Tamil? Use Braahmam or OneHourTranslation.

• Transcription: Converting audio to text. Rev and Scribie are the gold standards.

Design & Visuals

• Graphic Design (Canva/Photoshop): Every startup needs social media posts. Start on Fiverr.

• Video Editing: Reels and YouTube Shorts are exploding. Find creators on Twitter (X) or LinkedIn.

• Thumbnail Designing: Specifically for YouTubers. This is a high-demand niche on Fiverr.

• Presentation Design: Helping corporate pros with PPTs. Use SlideShare to showcase your work.

• UI/UX Design: Designing app layouts. Use Behance to build a portfolio and get scouted.

Social Media & Tech

• Social Media Management: Running a brand’s Instagram. Reach out to local businesses directly.

• Meme Marketing: Yes, brands pay for memes. Build a page first, then pitch to agencies.

• SEO Consultant: Helping websites rank on Google. Use Internshala for student internships.

• Data Entry: Simple but steady. Check Amazon Mechanical Turk (MTurk).

• Virtual Assistant: Managing someone’s emails and calendar. Find these on Belay or Zirtual.

2. The Knowledge Economy (Tutoring & Skills)

• Subject Matter Expert: Answering academic questions on Chegg India or Course Hero.

• Home Tuitions: Good old-fashioned teaching. Register on UrbanPro to find students in your area.

• Online Teaching: Platforms like Vedantu or Superprof allow you to teach anything from Math to Guitar.

• Test Prep Coaching: If you cracked JEE or NEET, guide others on Unacademy.

• Language Tutoring: Teach English to global students via Cambly or Preply.

3. The Creative & Offline Gig

• Selling Art/Crafts: Use Etsy India or Thotfy (great for students without GST) to sell paintings or jewellery.

• Photography: Sell your photos on Shutterstock, Pexels, Unsplash or offer event photography for college fests.

• Voice-Over Artist: If you have a good voice, register on Voices.com or Voyzapp.

• Affiliate Marketing: Promote products on your WhatsApp/Instagram and earn a commission via Amazon Associates.

• Event Management: Work as “crew” for concerts or weddings via local agencies. It’s a great weekend cash!

How to Get Started: The “Big Three” Platforms

If you want to earn in Dollars (which is the best way to earn in India!), you need to master these:

1. Fiverr (The Digital Shop)

• How it works: You create a “Gig” (e.g., “I will design 5 Instagram posts for $10”).

• Pro Tip: Don’t be a generalist. Don’t say “I do design.” Say “I design aesthetic minimalist menus for cafes.”

2. Upwork (The Bidding Site)

• How it works: Clients post jobs, and you “bid” on them with a proposal.

• Pro Tip: Your first 5 jobs are the hardest. Keep your price low, get 5-star reviews, then hike your rates.

3. Internshala (The Indian Student’s Best Friend)

• How it works: It’s built for Indian students. You can find “Work from Home” internships that pay a monthly stipend (₹5,000–₹15,000).

• Pro Tip: Use the “Early Access” feature to apply before everyone else.

The “No-Scam” Safety Checklist: Read This Before You Sign Up

The internet is full of “Get Rich Quick” schemes that target students. Before you share your bank details or spend hours working, run every opportunity through this 3-Second Reality Check.

1. The “Payment Direction” Rule

In the professional world, money flows from the employer to you.

• The Scam: “Pay a ₹500 ‘Security Deposit’ or ‘Document Verification Fee’ to start.”

• The Reality: Legitimate companies like Internshala or Chegg will never ask you for money to work. If they ask you to pay to get a job, it’s not a job—it’s a trap.

2. The “Telegram & WhatsApp” Red Flag

Professional companies use official emails (ending in @companyname.com) or established platforms like Upwork and Fiverr.

• The Scam: Someone contacts you on Telegram offering “Easy Data Entry” and insists on keeping all conversations there.

• The Reality: Scammers love Telegram because they can delete messages and disappear. If they refuse to use a professional platform or an official email, walk away.

3. The “Too Good to Be True” Pay Rate

• The Scam: “Earn ₹3,000 for 2 hours of simple typing work.”

• The Reality: If a task requires zero skill but pays like a high-end corporate job, it’s bait. They usually show you a “fake” balance in an app and then ask for a “withdrawal fee” to get your money out. You will never see that money.

4. The “ID & Banking” Shield

• The Reality: While legitimate sites like Fiverr or Upwork need your PAN card or bank details for tax and payments (which is safe), never give your OTP, UPI PIN, or CVV to anyone claiming to be a “recruiter.” No employer needs your PIN to send you money.

Pro-Tips for Indian Students to Stay Safe:

• Use Protected Platforms: Stick to sites that have Escrow Payment. This means the client pays the website, the website holds the money, and they release it to you once you submit the work. This way, the client can’t “ghost” you after getting the work.

• Check the “Internshala” Badge: If you are looking for internships, look for the “Verified” tag. Internshala has a dedicated team that calls and checks every company before they are allowed to post.

• The “Google Search” Test: Before working with a private client, search their name or company on Google with the words “Scam” or “Review.” See what other people are saying.

A Final Piece of Advice for 19-Year-Olds

Don’t wait until you are “perfect” at a skill to start. I know students who started writing for ₹0.50 per word and now charge ₹5. The goal is to start.

Your first paycheck—even if it’s just ₹1,000—will feel better than any allowance your parents ever gave you. It’s not just money; it’s freedom.

Which of these 25 skills are you going to try first? Let me know in the comments, and I’ll help you figure out how to pitch your first client!

I’m not talking about some abstract social issue. I’m talking about basic survival. I’m talking about young women in 2026 who are still fighting for a plate of food, for an education, and for the right to breathe without being emotionally dismantled. And I have to ask: Who gave these people the right to call themselves parents? Because from where I’m standing, you aren’t caregivers. You’re just jailers with a title.

The Dinner Table Power Move

Let’s start with the food. It sounds insane to even say this out loud in 2026, but it’s happening. You have a daughter who is the only vegetarian in the house. The parents know this. It’s not a mystery. Yet, they “forget” to make enough. They’ll cook their meat, they’ll feast, and then they’ll look at her and basically say, “Oh, we didn’t make enough for you.”

How do you do that? How do you sit there, full and satisfied, knowing your daughter is hungry? This isn’t an “oversight.” It’s a deliberate, calculated power move. It’s a way to remind her every single day that she is a secondary citizen in her own home. It’s a way to tell her she’s a burden. If you can’t even ensure your child has a full stomach because you’re too busy playing mind games with their diet, stop calling yourself a parent. You’re just a bully who happened to have a kid.

The “Son” Obsession and the Financial Noose

Then we get to the money. This is where the hypocrisy really starts to bleed. These same people will claim they’re “struggling” the second the daughter needs something essential.

She needs books? “We’re tight this month.” She wants to go for higher studies? “We have to save for your brother.”

The brother is not even in class 10. He’s not even at the finish line yet, but his potential future is treated as a god-tier priority while the daughter’s actual life is treated like a luxury they can’t afford. They won’t invest a rupee in her growth because they’re too busy hoarding for the “son and heir.”

And it’s not just the big stuff. It’s the basic, “living-as-a-human” stuff. Refusing to give her money for sanitary pads? Refusing to pay for an asthma inhaler or basic medicines? In 2026? It’s disgusting. It is violent neglect disguised as “budgeting.” You are literally withholding the right to breathe and the right to basic hygiene from your own blood, but you expect her to respect you?

The “Tuition Tax” Hypocrisy

But wait, it gets better. The second this daughter—the one they won’t feed or fund—starts making a little bit of money on her own by teaching kids or giving tuitions, their hands are out.

They won’t give her peace. They won’t give her a sanctuary. They won’t stop taunting and tormenting her emotionally every chance they get. But they sure as hell want a “cut” of whatever little she makes. They want to be supported by the same person they are actively trying to break. It’s a “commission” on her trauma. It is beyond shameless.

The Social Performance of a Wedding

Now, here is the part that really makes my blood boil. These same families—the ones who “don’t have money” for an inhaler or an auto ride fare—will miraculously find millions of rupees the second a wedding is on the horizon.

Suddenly, the “struggle” is gone. Suddenly, they’re booking halls, buying gold, and feeding a thousand strangers. Why? Because the wedding isn’t about the daughter. It’s about them. It’s about their “reputation” in society. It’s about making sure the neighbors think they’re “settled” and “successful.”

In 2026, the Indian wedding industry is projected to be an over $130 billion behemoth. We are a country that will starve a daughter’s intellect and health for twenty years just so we can put on a one-night circus to save face. It is a grotesque joke. If you can afford the silk and the gold for a wedding, you could have afforded her dignity for the last decade. Don’t tell me you didn’t have the money. You just didn’t think she was worth it.

The Goddess Paradox

We live in a country that screams about “culture” and “tradition.” We worship goddesses, we celebrate Nari Shakti, we post “smart” comments on reels about how much we respect women. But it’s all a lie if you’re coming home and emotionally torturing your daughter.

In January 2026, the Supreme Court basically said menstrual dignity is a fundamental right. The law says she has a right to life and liberty. But the law doesn’t mean anything when the people who are supposed to be your “protectors” are actually your primary source of trauma. You call her a “goddess” in public and a “burden” behind closed doors. Who gave you the right to be so two-faced?

Enough is Enough

Who gave you the right to call yourself a caregiver when you can’t let her be in peace? Who gave you the right to call yourself a parent when you’re the one she needs protection from?

A home is supposed to be a sanctuary. It’s supposed to be the one place in the world where you don’t have to fight for your basic needs. But for so many girls, the home is the front line of the war.

It’s bloody 2026. We need to stop hiding behind “it’s a family matter.” If a girl is being starved, taunted, and denied medicine in her own house, it’s not a family matter—it’s a human rights violation.

To the daughters fighting this: I see you. I know you’re exhausted. I know you’re tired of the taunts and the “son-priority” and the “last-to-eat” BS.

To the parents: Stop the performance. If you can’t feed her, fund her, and let her breathe in peace, you aren’t a parent. You’re just a person holding someone else’s life hostage. It’s 2026. The world is moving on, and it’s time we left this toxic, backwards “tradition” of daughter-neglect in the trash where it belongs.

Reputation isn’t worth more than a life. It never was. And it’s time we started acting like it.

Why Blended Families Are Unique 

Blending families are unique because they bring together individuals with different backgrounds, cultures, routines, and traditions. Unlike traditional nuclear families, blending families can face additional challenges related to establishing new family dynamics, roles, and relationships.

Common Situations Leading To Blended Families

Remarriage or Re-parenting: 

When a divorced or widowed parent marries or partners with someone who also has children, they create a blended family.

Adoption or Fostering: 

Blended families can also form when a family adopts or fosters children, integrating them into the existing family dynamics and structure.

Co-parenting arrangements: 

In some cases, families blend when parents share custody of their children and bring them into relationships.

Sociological Perspective

Cultural Attitudes: 

Sociological research shows that acceptance of blended families varies widely across cultures. In societies where traditional nuclear families are highly valued, blended families face challenges in gaining acceptance.

Support Networks:

Strong support networks, including extended family, friends, and community resources, benefit mixed families significantly. Social support can ease the transition and provide emotional and practical assistance.

Integration and Identity:

Sociologists highlight that role ambiguity is a common issue in blending families. Defining roles and responsibilities for parents and children can be challenging, requiring clear communication and agreement within the family.

In some cultures, there may be a stigma associated with remarriage or having step-siblings. This can impact the social integration of the family and affect the children’s social experiences.

Psychological Perspective 

Adjustment period: 

Psychologists note that children in blended families often go through an adjustment period where they adapt to new family dynamics. This period can involve emotional and behavioural changes as children navigate their new environment.

Attachment and Bonding: 

Developing secure attachments within a blended family is crucial. Research indicates that children benefit from stable, supportive relationships with biological and step-parents.

Blended Families’ Impact On Mental Health 

Blending families may experience higher levels of stress due to the complexities of merging different family units. Effective coping strategies, such as open communication and family therapy, can mitigate stress.

1. Increased stress levels: 

Mixing families often comes with high levels of stress as both adults and children adjust to new roles, relationships, and routines. This can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, and behavioural issues. You can refer to this book for more information.

2. Identity and Self-esteem issues: 

Children in blended families may struggle with identity and self-esteem issues, particularly if they feel torn between their biological parents and step-parents. It’s essential to provide consistent support and reinforce their self-worth. This book will help you gain more insights and effective strategies to thrive in blended families.

3. Parental Conflict: 

Conflicts between biological and step-parents can create a successful environment for children. Effective conflict resolution strategies and family counselling can help manage and reduce these conflicts.

4. Attachment and Bonding: 

Developing secure attachments within a blended family is crucial. Research indicates that children benefit from stable, supportive relationships with both biological and step-parents. Providing a nurturing environment facilitates these bonds. Handbook of Family Measurement Techniques will provide deeper insights into attachment and bonding and how blending families can develop secure attachments within the family structure.

5. Behavioural Changes: 

Children in blended families might exhibit behavioural changes as they cope with new dynamics. Parents should be observant and responsive to these changes, offering support and seeking professional help if necessary.

How to blend families successfully 

1. Communicate Openly and Honestly: 

The Smith and Johnson families are blending. The Smiths consist of a single mother, Laura, and her two children, Emily (10) and Jack (8). The Johnsons consist of a single father, Mike, and his daughter, Sarah (12). Laura and Mile decide to hold weekly family meetings to discuss any issues or concerns.

Regular family meetings provide a structured opportunity for everyone to voice their concerns, share their feelings, and discuss family rules and expectations. This helps build trust and ensures everyone feels heard. Now, for everyone to feel heard and not judged is very important. Parents may have to understand that their kids will require time and additional support to adjust to the new set-up and changed dynamics. They make sure everyone gets an equal chance to speak without interruptions. They validate their children’s feelings and also open space for a dialogue for finding solutions together.

2. Establish New Family Traditions:

The blended Thompsons and Ramirez family consists of a same-sex couple, Alex and Luis, and their children from previous relationships. Alex has a daughter, Zoe (11), and Luis has a son, Mateo (9). To create a new tradition, the family decides to have a weekly game night where each person gets to choose a game to play.

Creating new traditions can help unify the family and build a shared sense of identity. Engaging in activities that everyone enjoys can promote bonding and positive interactions. Incorporating elements from each family’s previous traditions can help make new traditions feel more inclusive. If Zor enjoyed a specific game with Alex, and Mateo had a tradition of a special bedtime story with Luis, combining these activities into the new tradition can make it richer and more meaningful. This way, everyone feels a sense of continuity and respect for their past.

3. Foster Individual Relationships: 

The Smith-Taylor family is blending. Single mother Karen Smith and her daughter Lily (10) are moving in with single father John Taylor and his son Max (12). John makes an effort to spend one-on-one time with Lily by taking her to her favourite ballet class and then discussing her interests over ice cream.

Building individual relationships between step-parents and step-children is essential for a harmonious family environment. Scheduling regular one-on-one time with each child helps build trust and connection. John should also pay attention to Lily’s unique interests. For example, While Max enjoys playing soccer, Lily may prefer quiet, thoughtful conversations about her classes. John can tailor his time with Lily to her interests, demonstrating that he values and respects her individuality.

4. Set Realistic Expectations: 

The Ali-Roberts family- Ahmed Ali and his son, Tariq (13), and Susan Roberts and her daughter, Rachel (14) are blending. Ahmed and Susan acknowledge that it will take time for their children to adjust to the new family dynamics. They reassure Tariq and Rachel that it’s okay to have mixed feelings and that they will support them throughout the process.

Blending families is a gradual process that requires patience and realistic expectations. It may take time for all family members to adjust to the new family structure, and being flexible and understanding is crucial. Ahmed and Susan can share stories of other families who have successfully blended over time to give their children hope and perspective. They might say, “It’s normal to feel a bit unsure right now. Remember, it’s okay to take time to adjust. We’re all in this together, and we’ll keep working on it until everyone feels comfortable.” This approach helps normalise children’s feelings and sets a realistic time frame for adjustment.

Also Read: Nurturing Parenting: 10 Tips to Become a Nurturing Parent

5. Respect Existing Relationships: 

The Johnson-Parker family (Tanya Johnson with her daughter, Ava (9) and Mark Parker and his daughter, Simon (11)) are blending. The parents ensure their children maintain regular contact with their other biological parents. They encourage positive co-parenting relationships and respect the children’s existing traditions and routines.

Maintaining a cooperative co-parenting relationship with the biological parent of your step-children can reduce conflict and promote stability for children.

6. Encourage Collaboration: 

Linh Nguyen and her daughter, Mai (10), and Carlos Garcia and his son, Luis (12), are blending. The family is working together on a project to redecorate the living room. Each family member contributes ideas, and they make decisions collectively. This project fosters teamwork and a sense of accomplishment.

Working on family projects together can enhance teamwork and create a sense of accomplishment. It is important to ensure that each member’s input is valued. Inclusive approaches, such as voting, help family members feel their opinions matter and teach compromise and collaboration skills.

Blending families successfully involves understanding the unique dynamics at play and implementing strategies to foster unity and harmony. With the above-mentioned tips, blending families can navigate their challenges and build a strong, cohesive family unit.

At the age of 21, when I gave birth to my first baby, I did not know it would bring so many changes. I was ready to raise a baby, but I was not aware of the changes happening within me. Postpartum depression was an unfamiliar subject which I did not learn about until I gave birth to my second one. Unlimited crying spells, anxiety, and loneliness- all crept in while I got busy bringing up my bundles of joy.

You see, after you push a baby out, you become an entirely different person- physically and mentally.

That’s not to say that the spark between me and my husband remained. You see, I was grappling with self-image issues, the stretch marks all over my body, saggy boobs, and constant fatigue. I didn’t feel attractive, and I feared my husband wouldn’t find me one either.

No matter what he did his best to reassure me or be a wonderful young dad and take care of our kids- the depressive hormones simply couldn’t go. And inadvertently, the passion between us fizzled out. I missed his touch, his cuddles, and his being all over me since childbirth.

After the first baby, healing was a tough transition. It took me a long time to wrap my head around what was happening. A baby, seemingly lost spark, and a struggle to understand and restore it.

But now, when I look back, I can recognise the five most common issues in a marriage after childbirth:

• Lack of attraction towards your partner.
• Lack of emotional connection and intimacy.
• Lack of desire and passion towards each other.
• Lack of respectful communication
• Uncertainty regarding financial stability.

I was married in a wealthy family, so we were sorted about the 5th point. But the other four remained. However, these are not the only issues- the list goes on and on. Each couple’s journey is unique, and their struggles are different.

As our marriage thrived, with a few shifts in our perspectives and personalities, your marriage, too, can live. Let’s begin with restoring the spark in a relationship after childbirth:

Embracing The Reality

1. Understanding The Physical Changes:

As I mentioned earlier, every woman’s body heals differently. For some, the transition will be smooth, but it will be challenging for others. I remember feeling frustrated and disconnected with myself for a good year, and pledging to come back was the toughest part of it.

It’s crucial to be patient with yourself and communicate openly with your spouse. What your physical needs are, how you see yourself, and how you want to be reassured- talk it all out with your partner.

2. Body Image:

I remember trailing my fingers over my stretch marks, which I soon realised would remain there all my life. Feeling self-conscious postpartum about your body is perfectly natural and normal. Remind yourself that your body has done something incredibly miraculous, and it’s, in fact, important to celebrate the strength that comes with it.

Share your insecurities with your partner. Allow your partner to support and reassure you in any manner you need.

3. Navigating Emotional Shifts:

I had gotten uncontrollably anxious and sulky. Unfamiliar with what was going on, I would often lash out or stay holed up in one room with my kids. I felt all the joy singing to my kids and playing with them, but I didn’t feel like engaging with people, participating in social activities, and, most importantly, bonding with my husband. I sought attention, verbal care, and physical intimacy from him. However, I didn’t know that it was temporary and that we could get out of it. So we did. As our children grew, we addressed the issues that drifted us apart for a while.

Actively seek your partner’s support while embracing the newness of your family dynamics and finding moments to reconnect with them.

Rebuild Intimacy 

1. Prioritize Communication: 

As the key foundation of any relationship, effective communication is crucial to navigating postpartum challenges. For us to communicate effectively and healthily with our partners, it’s highly important to recognise and become aware of the new realities. Once we have wrapped our heads around them, let’s communicate with our partner with open and honest dialogues.

• Share your feelings: Express exactly what you’re feeling. Exhausted, defeated, frustrated, anxious, or overwhelmed with all the raising-a-child challenges- communicate it all. Share your vulnerabilities with your partner. I realised that once I expressed myself that deeply and openly, it brought us closer because it gave my partner a peek into what I was feeling. We let our guards down and acknowledged our feelings as they were.
• Listen actively: I learnt that listening to your partner didn’t at all mean giving them solutions immediately. Actively listening held an entirely different definition- non-judgement, validating, and attentive listening, providing a space for conversation. To be honest, I struggled with it, and it took me a great deal of time and work to reach a point where we both could listen to one another judgment-free.

2. Creating Quality Time Together 

Odd-hourly calls of parenthood affect quality time after childbirth. Creating time for each other can be challenging. However, it is equally important to nurture the relationship.

• Date nights at home: Going out after childbirth was tough. We could not depend upon anyone to take care of the kids if we decided to go out. So, we created date nights at home only. Watching a movie together after the kids were asleep or ordering a late-night pizza became our favourite ways to spend time with each other comfortably.
• Small moments: For us, little moments of intimacy mattered the most- a light caress on the arm, gentle hugs, a kiss on the forehead, looking at each other from across the room, and my personal favourite, waking up together in the middle of the night to tend to our little ones. My husband would fill up the feeding bottles, and I would change their diapers. These moments brought a profound change in how we defined intimacy after childbirth.

3. Reignite Physical Affection 

Physical closeness is a powerful way to restore that spark after childbirth. As I mentioned earlier, a light caress on the face or arm, gentle touches, lingering kisses- these may or may not be sexual, but they are powerful ways to rekindle the intimacy between the partners.

• Restoring sexual intimacy:
  It is completely okay if sexual intimacy takes time to reignite. Take it slow, communicate openly about your desires and boundaries, and focus on mutual comfort and pleasure. Seeking support from an intimacy coach or marriage counsellor specialising in intimacy after childbirth can be helpful.

Suggested Reading: How To Understand And Build Intimacy In Every Relationship

Share Responsibilities

Sharing childcare responsibilities can reduce stress and burden on a single partner.

• Teamwork: The single most common strategy that worked in our favour was to divide the childcare. If I bathed the babies, my husband would clothe them. If I fed the kids, he would clean them. If I stayed up till late with the kids, he would wake up to prepare their feeding bottles. If I washed and cleaned the baby after he pooped, my husband would be at the diaper and clothes duty.

Sharing these responsibilities in this way not only reduced the stress of raising our babies but also added fun to our marriage. We enjoyed our playful banters and running around for our little ones.

We understood one crucial fact about it all: we brought them together in this world, and together, we would team up and raise them.

• Appreciate each other: Despite everything- fights, arguments, banters, or stress- if there is one thing that kept us all going all these years is appreciation. We saw each other’s efforts and contributions to making our lives better and easier. We treated each other with little things we loved. We have been very vocal about how much we appreciate each other.

In closing, regular check-ins with each other to talk about our needs and feelings, sharing childcare responsibilities with the help of a chore chart or schedule chart, and constant reassurance and non-sexual cues are the most practical ways to restore the spark in relationships after childbirth. It requires patience, understanding, and commitment to each other.

Embrace this new chapter of your lives with awareness, empathy, and self-compassion, and your relationship will thrive.

These insights and strategies help you navigate this challenging but beautiful phase. If you need further support, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone in this journey; I am here to guide you through it step by step.

Why do love marriages fail in India?

In Indian society, love marriages do not survive for long due to a lack of acceptance from the husband’s family. The wife is under the constant radar of the elders. One miss and there goes the blaring warning signs of how the new daughter-in-law is a bigger threat than the nuclear war. 

The mother feels threatened that her son would now not listen to her. She has to assert her authority on her son by being extra available in his life, caring, and over-protective. 

The mother’s strong influence can make it hard for the couple to decide independently. The spouse might feel ignored or undervalued, as the mother’s opinions always seem to come first. It blows their confidence and sense of empowerment within the marriage. 

The excessive involvement of the mother-in-law can create tension and conflict between the son and his wife. The wife may feel overshadowed or unimportant, leading to resentment and difficulty maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship.

Instead of dealing with the fact that her son is now a married man with another woman in his life, with whom he will build a family of his own, she makes it a point to re-assert her value in his mind. She struggles with the insecurity of being left out of her son’s life. 

There is another pressure on the husband to maintain the connection with his wife and the mother. The son may experience a strong sense of obligation towards his mother’s wishes and expectations. 

Her over-involvement can create a feeling of guilt if he deviates from her desires or decisions, leading to inner conflicts and a constant need to please both his spouse and his mother. 

Read more: Dear Indian moms, love your sons but learn to let go!

The son may struggle to set healthy boundaries. It’s like he’s stuck in a web of dependency, torn between his wife and his mother. The wife might feel they’re constantly competing for his attention and affection.

If he listens to the wife, he is henpecked. Women of the house shame the man for caring and loving towards his wife. And because the man does not like to be called someone under his wife’s thumb, he puts unrealistic restrictions on the wife- 

‘Wake up before my mother does, so she likes you and thinks of you as a ‘Sanskaari Bahu’; cook food for everyone every time so no one speaks ill of you; wear clothes that cover the whole of your body, don’t work till too late, don’t have male friends, or don’t stay out of the house till late even if it’s for work.’

All these restrictions reflect his inability to establish a better connection between his parents and his wife. Eventually, they take a far worse form- his insecurities. If unsatisfied, he would react emotionally immaturely- often picking fights with his wife, raising his hands at her, and abusing her verbally. 

The man who brought his wife to his home after fighting insurmountable battles becomes completely indifferent to and unaware of what she feels. Because now, he needs to prove to his parents that he made the right choice. 

The wife, on the other hand, is done with the oppression. The only person she could count on became her nemesis. She wants nothing more than to leave the man she loves so much. 

Hence, failed love marriage. 

In the face of the family’s over-involvement in their son’s married life, one must ponder: Does this interference hinder the son’s personal growth and autonomy? How can he navigate the delicate balance between loyalty to his family, especially his mother and the needs of his marriage? And ultimately, what path will he choose to forge, one that honours his aspirations and fosters a thriving relationship? The answers lie within, waiting to be discovered through self-reflection, communication, and the courage to chart his path.

Read more about In-laws Stress in Indian Marriages- How to deal with it