As parents, we are all doing the best we can. We prepare food for them, teach them, play with them, listen to their tantrums, tell them stories when we want to sleep, buy them toys and gifts when we are short of money.
As parents, we raise our kids in the best way we have known and learnt. We are doing the best we can.
But wait for a second, are we?
If I ask you to list out all the things you expect from your children as a parent, I bet you would come up with a list that never ends. You would want them to top in academics, be a well-mannered child, be responsible, obedient, and what not!
Well, let me tell you, you are not over-expecting. After investing time and energy, it’s natural for you to expect a return.
YOU expecting without giving. In what areas do parents expect from their kids? Take a look:
1. Manners:
Kids should always be well-mannered and well-behaved. They mustn’t throw tantrums in public. They are supposed to sit quietly in the car. They should walk nicely and with no questions in the departmental store. They must know better than to throw tantrums.
2. Academics and Sports:
The kids must be good at studies and sports. They must excel in each grade and each sport. Or the kids should be proficient in multiple languages and learn new things. Kids should actively take part in sports, competitions, and several contests. The true nature of the kids develops when they participate in various things at school.
3. Harmony amongst the Siblings:
The kids should know how to behave with a younger sibling and not harm them. They must always be sweet and courteous with each other. No fights should take place between them. And in case of strife, they should know to mend it as soon as possible.
4. Career:
Once they turn 20, they must be financially independent. A grown-up child must have a job. They must be serious about their career and always brimming with the ideas of making money.
5. Help with the Households:
The kids must be aware of helping their parents with household chores. They should help around the house- with cooking, cleaning, washing clothes and dishes. They should keep their rooms clean and not add to the burden of their parents.
6. Respect:
The kids must respect all the elders in the family; they should not talk back or talk in a louder voice while speaking with their parents, uncles, or aunts. They must be cordial with the grandparents.
7. Emotional Support System:
Parents expect their kids to understand their difficult emotions; kids should know how to behave when their parents are undergoing a tough situation in life; they should give their parents emotional and moral support while understanding everything else happening in their lives.
8. Support in their Old Age:
The kids are expected to support their old parents; provide for them. If they can’t provide for them, then take care of them when they need. They should always be with their parents, through thick and thin. They should consider it their responsibility of caring for their elderly parents.
9. Social Behaviour:
The kids aren’t supposed to argue with anyone. They should stay quiet when a relative is critiquing them. The child must be obedient. The kids should not talk disrespectfully to anyone, including their fellow mates.
10. Being Positive all the time:
The kids should not be sad, upset, angry, or frustrated. They should always be happy and cheerful. They shouldn’t feel any sadness or pain and must not make mistakes. Kids must not lie. They must always be grateful for what they ahve been given- family, friends, school, food, and shelter.
You read it so far. You may be wondering that these expectations are as normal as anything else. Sure, the kids should be academically good; they should have a positive attitude, respectful, etc. Such expectations are natural.
After all, parents have invested so much time in raising their children as per the rules of society. They have brought up their kids so they can make a name for themselves when they grow up.
Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with this. So, why do we see all these expectations in a negative light?
Expectations are a two-way game, after all. Ever thought about what your child expects from you? Have you ever wondered what a child means when upset or mad? Have you given two cents to why your child behaves the way they do? Amid your child’s triggers, fears, and frustrations, need for emotional support, desire for companionship in their parent(s) is your child’s expectations from you.
In simple words, nurturing parenting is the concept of understanding your child’s emotional and mental needs and then approaching and addressing them with patience, warmth, and understanding.
Nurturing parenting requires you to go to your child’s emotional level and see things as per their perception. It requires you to kneel to your child’s eye level, hold them, and encourage them to express whatever bothers them.
Let’s get a better insight into nurturing parenting-
Nurturing is a part of parenting skills that can help you increase the health and well-being of your child. However, It is a common misconception that nurturing parenting begins once you become a parent. Instead, nurturing is a skill that starts before the child’s birth and continues throughout your child’s life.
Every parent wants to nurture their child, but sadly, they end up taking steps that, rather than nurturing them, turn out to be the reasons behind their children drifting away.
Psychologist Alfred Adler puts it this way- “empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.”
Empathy is when you put yourself into someone else’s skin and view things from their perspective. To practise nurturing parenting, you need to consider things exactly how your children view them. And then, slightly pour a bit of ‘you’ touch in your words.
You can approach your child’s tough emotions like, “I understand you are angry; do you want to talk about it?” For more such sentences, you can download my free guide here!
And if your child is used to hitting others or you, you can learn to deal with and manage the child here!
It is an important component of nurturing parenting. Plan regular routines for and with your child. Their eating, sleeping, studying, and playing time should be scheduled. Besides this, schedule outings with them randomly. For example, let them know in the morning that you shall take them to the park or restaurant or art gallery today.
Schedules instil discipline in your child and you making random plans keeps the fun in their childhood alive! Knowing their schedule puts them in the controlling position because they know what to do next, and they are mentally ready without feeling any pressure or sudden burden upon them.
We all sometimes crave a positive human touch. A gentle hug, pat on the back, and a kiss will help your kid feel closer to you. For more positive touch importance, tips, and positive effects on kids, check this out!
A warm and gentle touch works well in the positive development of your child. They feel safe and secure in your embrace and understand what a good or bad touch is. In addition, your children know the language of love via loving hugs, gentle caresses on the head, sweet kisses on the forehead, an encouraging pat on the back, etc.
Make sure to ensure certain limits with your child along with nurturing them through games and activities.
Look for game areas with little or no possible hazards. Choose the caregivers carefully. Be mindful of the types of equipment that you keep around them. Choose the games that are helpful in your kids’ overall development.
Sense of humour
A good sense of humour creates a fun environment in the family. And that’s why children enjoy bringing their friends home. If they feel comfortable around you because you keep the home environment light and happy, then they, too, will remain happy.
Families, where parents are humorous, have unrestricted communication. It reduces life’s stresses for both- parents and children.
Flexibility
Nurturing parents are always up for negotiations. These parents do not impose non-negotiable rules. Instead, they offer options and listen to their children’s considerations and opinions. As a result, the kids feel non-judged in the company of such parents.
They resolve the agreements smoothly, without indulging in useless arguments. Nurturing parents always understand the importance of their child’s say in crucial matters.
Empowerment
A nurturing parent empowers their children to raise them into independent adults. They allow their kids to make mistakes.
To instil confidence and a sense of empowerment in your kids, set them free wherever required. Let them make their decisions. Then, if they fail, teach them to learn and be careful in the future.
Trust
Nurturing parents develop trust with their child right from infancy. Parents who practice nurturing parenting know that if their kids trust them, they will always come to them whenever they bother them. As a result, the kids will have no fear of being judged, mistreated, or insulted.
Nurturing parenting is crucial because it fosters your parent-child relationship. Children do require warmth, care, protection and emotional support from their parents.
As it is commonly said- ‘you reap what you sow’. If you raise your children as nurtured, empathetic, and secure kids your kid will reward you with greater respect and love.
We want to throw some light on another commonly held misconception. Parents usually take nurturing relationships with adult children for granted.
However, nurturing parenting is a consistent process. Though, it should evolve with time.
Authoritarian
Parents who own an authoritarian parenting style for their children are less accommodating. They choose to follow a clear set of rules. They are strict about discipline, routine, schedules, and plans. There are certain limits and controls on the child, including punishments and little to no explanations. Understand more about the authoritarian parenting style here!
Permissive
It is the opposite of authoritarian parenting. Parents set their children free by placing few to no laws on them. They make random schedules. They believe that children have to be true to their own nature. Of course, there are many negative effects of such a parenting style. Know more about permissive parenting- here!
Uninvolved
Parents who adopt this style allow their children to do whatever they want. From both sides, there is a lack of coordination. Such parents are non-responsive towards their children. They pay little to no heed to their children’s needs, demands. These parents may be completely neglectful of their children. Know more about it here.
Authoritative
This is the most preferred style of parenting. Parents do interfere in the matters of their children but at the same time, they let them solve their problems on their own. These parents are highly responsive. They set limits for their children but respect their boundaries too. Such parents involve positive discipline instead of punishments, forced measures.
Love your kids-
Parental love is mostly unconditional. Parents love their children despite having to clean their poop and puke. They look after them when they are sick and unwell. Parents’ love for their children is unconditional and warm.
Validation and Encouragement-
Encouragement is something that boosts the confidence of every human. Praise them often. Encourage them to try out new adventures and explore new skills. Validate their emotions and feelings. Admire them for their good actions.
Spend time-
This is where most people fail. Nurturing parenting is more about quality. Try spending quality time with your kid. People may be spending the entire day with their children, and still, be lacking a stronger bond with their toddlers.
Listen-
Interact with them frequently. Nurturing parents create a space for free two-way communication. Be a good listener. Listen to and understand them. Give their opinions and ideas some room to develop. Give them the freedom to express themselves.
Be a role model-
Bring nurturing in your actions. Parents are the first tutors of a child. Children will learn from watching you. Always try to model qualities that you want to see in your children. If you want to instil within them the habit of reading, read books yourself. If you want your kids to be polite, you will have to exercise being polite with them.
Establish routines-
A scheduled environment helps your children know what and when to expect, and what is expected of them. This will help them be organised. In addition, they feel a sense of authority because they are aware of their actions.
Positive touch-
Nurturing parenting requires you to be in touch with your kid both- physically and emotionally. Warm embraces, gentle caresses, encouraging pats, etc. are examples of positive physical touch.
Prioritize safety-
The environment your child grows in will also determine the success of your nurturing parenting. Try creating a positive and safe environment. Understand when they hesitate in telling you about something that bothers them. Make them comfortable enough. Ensure safety when you feel that they may feel threatened.
Take care of yourself-
Along with nurturing your kid, do not forget to pay heed to your desires too. Pay adequate attention to your needs.
Know your kid-
Know that every kid is different. Growth parameters are different in every kid. So pay individual attention to each kid. No two kids are similar. Their likes, qualities, habits are different. They require separate ways of being managed or dealt with or loved.
Photo by Terricks Noah on Unsplash
Nurturing parenting comes with practice. So we recommend you continue to work on approaching your child with love, care, warmth to improve your parent-child relationship. At the same time, it is also crucial for you to pay heed to yourself too. Every change starts from within!
