Lisa had been with her boyfriend, Mark, for ten years, and she had always felt that she lived in his shadow. Mark always went on about his success and dismissed Lisa’s proposals and input. She could do nothing with that, and, in turn, Mark always managed to make her think she was overreacting.
David had been with his partner Emily for 5 years and had constantly felt like he was walking on eggshells around her. Emily frequently criticized him and made him think he was never doing enough.
In the two examples, Mark’s and Emily’s partners, both had traits of a narcissist. Their partners underwent therapy and worked on their narcissism and their self-confidence – having done so, they established healthy boundaries in their relationship and looked after their needs and well-being, which enabled them to pursue much more nutritious and more balanced relationships.
What is selfish conduct, and how can one efficiently deal with a narcissist? This article covers all the guidelines and strategies for managing a narcissistic companion.
Identifying the symptoms of a narcissistic accomplice is important for managing the challenges of being in a relationship with them. Here are some specific things to look for:
They rarely consider the feelings or thoughts of other people, including you as a partner. They can also easily ignore or disregard your feelings or needs, and even argue to know that their conduct affects you.
Narcissists often have an unusual sense of self-importance and are likely to exaggerate their achievements or talents. They usually expect exceptional treatment or attention from those around them.
Narcissists always prioritize their needs and aspirations over those of others, including their partners. Therefore, it can be difficult for them to side with you, or they may consider your needs less important than theirs.
At some time, narcissists manipulate their partners into getting what they want. This comes through guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and even playing mind games.
Narcissists often struggle to take responsibility for their actions and blame others for their mistakes. They reason out or minimize their actions, making it difficult to resolve issues in the relationship.
Narcissists may also respond to control issues with their partner in overt ways, such as making demands regarding absolute obedience, or in more subtle ways, such as emotional bullying.
Though narcissists often have a difficult time empathizing with others, they also enjoy high levels of empathy. As such, they usually feel an extraordinary sense of entitlement, such as being entitled to anger or violence when their needs are not being fulfilled, and resent being deprived of what they believe they have earned.
There is usually an entitlement factor for a narcissist—something like, “I’m better than you and should get special treatment” or “I’m better and so deserve this.” That makes a narcissist feel as if you should be catering to their wishes and not having an opinion for themselves, or they become resentful when they don’t get what they think they hypnotize you to believe you deserve.
Narcissists often can’t take criticism from anyone, even from their partners. So, they may begin to defend or attack every time their behavior is criticized.
Narcissists sometimes fail to see the boundaries of others, including you. They may intrude into your private life, disregarding your boundaries, or they may impose upon you to go out of your way, doing things that you wouldn’t want to do.
Narcissists will also lack emotional intimacy, and it is challenging to feel connected to them on a deeper level. Consequently, they will avoid sensitive discussions or will be blowing you off with your emotional needs.
Narcissists are image managers and are obsessed with their looks and popularity. As a result, they will also try to control how you want to appear in front of others.
Early in a relationship, love-bombing is yet another tactic used by the narcissist. They will smother you with attention, compliments, and gifts. Though there is often nothing wrong with this at first, and it feels wonderful, it is an indicator of things to come that definitely are not.
Narcissists can also have a hard time respecting your boundaries or may even try to push beyond them. They may also need to set up guidelines, which can lead to clarity and battle within the relationship.
A relationship with a narcissistic partner can be emotionally draining. They may also demand constant attention and validation or become angry or withdrawn if they don’t get their way.
These types of people can be very rigid in their thinking and are not prepared to compromise or see things from your perspective. They are also not open to change and feedback.
Being in a relationship with narcissists will bring you a lot of inflammation and dramatic moments. At the other time, they will also thrive on conflict and battle to maintain strong and healthy relationships.
Although narcissists can’t empathize with other people, they can also be hypersensitive to criticism or rejection. They can react destructively, even to small inconveniences, or defensively when their behavior is questioned.
Narcissists can also use manipulation to achieve their objectives from you. This can also include methods such as withholding affection from you, giving you the silent treatment, and using guilt to make you comply with them.
Narcissists cannot trust anyone, even their spouses. They can, therefore, become suspicious or paranoid and accuse you of things without having proof.
Dealing with a narcissistic partner can be a task, but several strategies will help you in facing a relationship.
Set boundaries about what you can and cannot take with the relationship; make it clear to your partner. If necessary, have some action done if the boundary is breached.
Take care of your body physically and emotionally. Indulge in activities that make you happy and that give you reason to be proud of yourself.
Take help from friends, family, or therapists in controlling the dynamics of narcissistic relationships.
Don’t fool yourself into drama. Try to remain composed and give aloof reactions to their behavior.
It would help if you were absolutely candid in narrating your thoughts and feelings to the partner. Do not use emotional language that will help you become protective.
Instead of blaming or shaming your partner, let them know the feelings you have for that behavior and how it affects you and your relations.
Empathizing with a narcissistic spouse may be very difficult, yet still try to understand them and what drives them.
Try not to struggle over energy with your partner, but look for solutions that serve both of you.
When giving your opinions and emotions, use “I” statements. For example, “I feel hurt when you ignore my ideas,” instead of saying, “You always ignore my ideas.”
Be aware that you may not be able to influence or change your partner’s behavior, and set predictable behavior standards for the relationship.
Let go of grudges as much as possible and practice forgiveness. Having anger and resentment in your heart is very harmful to your mental health and the relationship.
If you feel that you cannot handle your partner’s behavior alone, you may resort to professional help.
Know that it’s not a reflection of you. Their insecurities and issues drive their actions.
If the relationship is too emotionally exhausting or abusive, remember what you must do: protect yourself by breaking up.
While dealing with a narcissistic partner is not easy, it can be managed to achieve a healthy relationship if both partners are willing to work at overcoming the obstacles. Remember that you cannot change your partner, but you are in control of what you do and how you react. Working on self-care, setting boundaries, and getting support from others will help you manage the relationship and increase the chances of having a positive experience.