We all need validation: to feel heard, accepted, and understood. However, we cannot always get it from others or the ones we want the most. In that case, self-validation becomes an important skill set we must develop and practice.

Before we delve deeper into self-validation, let’s figure out what validation is and how it is important for us.

It’s natural for us to want to be validated. So when we get a promotion, get the dream job, go on the perfect date, or achieve anything, we can’t wait to share it with our closest people. We want them to validate our wins and help us celebrate.

Validation doesn’t mean that people agree with us. It builds relationships and helps ease upset feelings. When you validate someone, they feel seen, heard, and accepted whether or not we agree with their thoughts. It feels empowering to be validated in the sense we see our experiences. And we, humans, are social animals. We have this innate need to be validated.

When a child feels unappreciated, not valued enough, or has grown up without validation, they may have trouble managing emotions. This may include:

1. Heightened anxiety
2. Relying on other’s validation
3. Pushing people away
4. Strong feelings of anger, worthlessness, and shame
5. Difficulty in recognising, naming, and regulating emotions, etc.

Similarly, we question our worth if others don’t see or validate us.

However, the question is, what if people don’t see our experiences the way we do? What if they don’t see how hard it was to get our degree, have our first stage experience, and go on that date? What if we are not validated by people close to us?

Why self-validation is important

In such a case, learning the skill of self-validation becomes important. Yes, it’s a skill because it’s not ingrained in us. Self-validation means accepting our internal experiences, thoughts, struggles, battles, and feelings. Now accepting them and justifying them are two different things. You will have feelings or thoughts you know are unjustified and against your belief system. But if you fight these thoughts, you increase your emotional turmoil. Instead, accepting those thoughts and feelings to be there will give you insight into who you are and which areas of your life may need work.

Self-validation is not the end goal; it’s a tool in your journey of self-discovery. Validating yourself will help you calm your emotions and manage them more effectively. It helps you accept and understand yourself better, leading to a stronger identity of you and wisdom.

Learning self-validation requires practice and we will discuss those strategies in this article.

10 Tips for Self Validation

1. Recognise and label your emotions:

Take the time to identify and label your emotions accurately. This practice helps you validate your emotional experiences and allows you to respond to them healthily. These steps should help you recognise your emotions:

1. First, pause and check in with yourself.
2. Notice physical sensations in your body. For example, you have chills or sweating when experiencing fear; your heart rate speeds up, or your breathing changes.
3. Identify primary emotions (e.g., joy, sadness, anger, fear).
4. Dig deeper to identify more specific emotions (e.g., frustration, disappointment, excitement).
5. Pay attention to your thoughts and beliefs associated with the emotion.
6. Validate and accept your emotions without judgment.
7. Use a feelings chart or list of emotions to help you identify and label your emotions.

2. Practice mindfulness:

Engage in mindfulness exercises to stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings. Following are the ways you can practice mindfulness:

3. Challenge negative self-talk:

Notice when you engage in negative self-talk and challenge those thoughts. Replace self-critical statements with more compassionate and realistic ones. This process helps you positively validate your emotions and experiences.

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4. Validate your own needs:

Acknowledge and prioritise your needs without feeling guilty or seeking permission from others. Recognise that your needs are valid and important; meeting them for your well-being is essential.

5. Set boundaries:

Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being. By setting limits on what is acceptable and unacceptable, you validate your values and create a sense of self-respect.

6. Engage in self-reflection:

Regularly reflect on your values, goals, and personal growth. Validate your progress and efforts by celebrating achievements and acknowledging areas where you’ve shown improvement.

7. Practice self-compassion:

Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and self-compassion. Offer yourself the same empathy and support you would offer a needy friend. Self-compassion validates your worth and acknowledges your humanness.

8. Develop self-trust:

Trust yourself by honouring your instincts and intuition. Validate your decision-making abilities and trust that you can make choices that align with your values and goals.

9. Seek therapy or counselling:

Seek professional help to explore and validate your emotions, experiences, and self-worth. A therapist can provide guidance and support in developing healthy self-validation strategies.

10. Engage in positive affirmations:

Use positive affirmations to validate your strengths, abilities, and worth. Repeat affirming statements to yourself regularly to reinforce positive self-perception and validate your value.

11. Practice self-care:

Prioritise self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Engaging in self-care validates your need for rest, relaxation, and activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.

12. Journaling:

Write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This process allows you to validate and process your emotions, gain insights into patterns, and track your personal growth over time.

13. Cultivate a support system:

Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who validate your experiences and emotions. Seek out relationships that provide encouragement, empathy, and validation.

14. Validate your boundaries:

Respect and validate your boundaries by communicating them clearly and assertively. When others respect your boundaries, it reinforces your self-worth and validates your needs.

15. Practice self-validation rituals:

Develop personal rituals or practices that promote self-validation, such as positive affirmations, gratitude exercises, or self-appreciation rituals. These rituals remind you to validate and appreciate yourself regularly.

Remember, self-validation is an ongoing process that requires patience, self-awareness, and practice. By implementing these strategies, you can cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth and develop a healthier relationship with yourself.