By Preiksha Jain | Mindfulsome | Relationship & Intimacy Coach
Letting go is one of the simplest things to say — and one of the hardest things to actually do.
We all carry moments that weigh on us:
A relationship that ended without closure.
A mistake we can’t stop replaying.
A version of ourselves we no longer recognize, but can’t seem to forgive.
Learning how to let go of the past isn’t about forgetting what happened. It’s about learning to live without letting the past control your present.
This article is your invitation to release, reconnect, and rebuild — with clarity, gentleness, and practical steps.
The first step in learning how to let go of the past is to admit that you’re still emotionally tethered to it.
Maybe you say you’re over it.
Maybe you’ve buried the pain under busyness.
But if certain memories still trigger anger, sadness, shame, or confusion — they’re not gone. They’re just unprocessed.
Letting go starts with honesty:
“I’m still carrying this. And I want to put it down.”
You might be clinging to the past for reasons that aren’t immediately obvious:
Unfinished stories: We hold onto “what could’ve been” more than what was.
Self-protection: Pain gives us a false sense of control. If we remember the hurt, maybe we can prevent it again.
Identity: Sometimes, our past becomes part of our narrative. Without it, we wonder who we are.
Letting go doesn’t mean denying what happened.
It means deciding that your past doesn’t get to dictate your future anymore.
Forgiveness is not the same as approval.
It’s not about excusing what was wrong, or pretending it didn’t hurt.
Forgiveness is an act of freedom — your freedom.
To forgive is to say:
“I won’t let this memory chain me to anger, resentment, or regret anymore.”
Whether you’re forgiving another person or yourself, remember this:
You don’t have to wait for an apology to start healing.
It’s natural to seek meaning from painful experiences.
But “Why me?” often traps us in a loop of overthinking and self-blame.
Instead, ask:
What did this teach me about what I want — and don’t want?
What did I learn about my resilience?
What would I tell someone else going through this?
Letting go of the past means shifting from victimhood to authorship.
You’re allowed to rewrite how this story ends.
Part of letting go is grieving not just what happened — but what didn’t.
The apology you never received
The version of life you hoped for
The relationship that didn’t become what you needed it to be
These invisible losses deserve space too.
Feel them. Name them. Let them move through you instead of getting stuck inside you.
Memories from the past often trigger the same emotional patterns over and over — anger, sadness, guilt.
Mindfulness helps you recognize: This is a memory. Not a current danger.
Try this the next time you’re pulled back into the past:
Pause and name the feeling: “This is grief.” “This is shame.”
Breathe through it.
Remind yourself: I’m safe. This isn’t happening now.
The more you practice presence, the less power your past has to pull you back in.
Often, we aren’t grieving the actual past — we’re grieving the fantasy version of it.
The person you hoped someone would become.
The version of you that would have been “perfect” if you hadn’t made that mistake.
The life path you imagined before things shifted.
You can’t heal if you’re holding on to something that never existed in the first place.
Letting go means choosing what is real now — not what could have been.
Sometimes, we stay stuck in the past because we surround ourselves with people who let us stay there.
Find someone who can say, gently but clearly:
“You don’t deserve to be in pain forever.”
Or: “You’ve already learned what you needed to learn — now let’s move forward.”
That might be a therapist. A coach. Or a brutally honest, deeply loving friend.
You need truth-tellers. Not people who keep you looping in stories of pain.
You might not be proud of who you were.
You might cringe at what you accepted, what you tolerated, or how you acted.
But that version of you was doing the best they could — with the tools they had, in the moment they were in.
Letting go of the past means looking at your former self and saying:
“You were trying. You survived. I honor you. And I’m choosing differently now.”
Here’s the part that often gets missed:
Letting go of the past must be followed by creating a new future.
That might look like:
A new relationship dynamic
A new habit or mindset
A physical act of release (writing a letter, deleting old messages, moving spaces)
You’re not just closing a door.
You’re opening a new one.
Also Read: Moving on With Grace
Letting go of the past isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen.
It’s about no longer letting it take up space in your present life.
You don’t owe your past your loyalty.
You owe yourself a peaceful future.
And that starts with saying, clearly and lovingly:
“This no longer belongs to me.”
If you’re navigating emotional healing or relationship transitions, book an introductory call with me here!
You are not alone — and you are allowed to heal.
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