Trying to figure out someone’s orientation can be a tricky affair. In a society where its inhabitants are expected to be straight, how to tell someone is gay is difficult because people are forced to hide their identities due to societal pressure. Some heterosexuals may have had sexual encounters with their sex but are still heterosexual. Hence, one of the myths is that gay or lesbian, or bisexual, can be identified with certain mannerisms or physical appearances. Also, someones’ sexuality is a personal matter. But I understand why this question may pop up in our heads. You may want to befriend the person, date them, or support their sexual orientation. Or you may be just curious if someone is gay. But assumptions on your part may be unwise and foolish. Like heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, and other members of the LGBTQI community come in all shapes and sizes, from all sorts of professions, religions, races, and anything under the sun!
Ultimately, the only way to tell if someone is gay is when they tell you that they are gay. Sexual feelings are a significant part of everyone’s life because it brings curiosity and pleasure together. These feelings might be super exciting but at the same time can be complicated and confusing too. Everyone is different, and desires are a very personal matter. And we believe that the most important thing is to feel comfortable about who you are and how you think. When people ask this question or questions similar to people who haven’t had much experience with individuals belonging to LGBTQI+, they will look for some signs that may or may not signify whether the person is gay/lesbian.
Currently, transgender is an umbrella term for all individuals who experience their gender identity or perceive and express their gender in a way that does not conform to the social standards and expectations of their biologically assigned sex. Cisgender is the antonym of Transgender, which means that individuals are comfortable with their gender identity or gender expressions conforming to societal standards. A simple example of this shall be an individual assigned with the male sex does not perceive themself as a man. Transgender or cisgender does not indicate biology, gender expression, or sexual orientation. Instead, it’s the gender identity. You can learn the difference between sexuality and gender identity here. For more details on the Transgender community, you can look up here.
People use the term ‘sex’ to refer to an individual’s assigned sex at birth based upon the chromosomes, gene expressions, physical anatomy, and hormone levels. The term ‘gender’ refers to the person’s social roles, expressions, and identity regardless of their sex at birth. Gender identity is the gender a person identifies psychologically, irrespective of their biological sex. At the same time, gender expression is how the person expresses themself through their appearance, mannerisms, and behaviour. However, gender identity is not binary (man/woman, girl/boy). It can change over time. It is not static also. To know more, click here.
The most recommended way is respectfully asking the person in place of guessing- “I mean no disrespect, what gender pronouns do you use?” People may use female/ male/ non-binary pronouns. It’s important to understand that we must never use ‘it’ while referring to someone.
