There are few things more frustrating — more lonely — than talking to someone who just… doesn’t listen. Especially when that someone is your own husband.
It’s not always shouting. Sometimes it’s the quiet dismissal. The phone in his hand while you speak. The quick “hmm” and change of subject. The decisions made without you.
And it happens far too often — in countless Indian households — where women feel unheard, unseen, and slowly erased.
But this isn’t just your story. This is our story — of marriages shaped by tradition, pressure, emotional exhaustion, and silence. Let’s talk about it.
When a woman says, “My husband doesn’t listen to me,” she doesn’t mean he’s ignoring every word.
She means:
“He doesn’t care when I’m upset.”
“He hears me, but he doesn’t understand me.”
“He changes the topic when I bring up something difficult.”
“He only listens when I raise my voice — and then blames me for yelling.”
It’s not always about volume.
It’s about emotional presence. And in many Indian marriages, that presence gets buried under the weight of expectation.
Let’s be honest. Indian marriages don’t just involve two people — they involve two families, two sets of expectations, and sometimes, two different decades of values.
The wife is expected to adjust, sacrifice, and “be the bigger person.”
Husbands are often raised with the belief that loyalty to parents = love.
Many women feel like outsiders in their own home — constantly observed, rarely heard.
Expressing pain is seen as “overreacting.”
Setting boundaries = “disrespectful.”
Being emotionally honest = “spoiling the peace.”
For many wives, silence becomes their survival strategy — but it’s also the slowest way to disappear.
Money doesn’t just pay bills — it creates power dynamics in a marriage, especially when cultural roles are involved.
He feels overwhelmed, responsible, constantly stressed.
She’s told: “He’s working so hard — don’t make a scene.”
So, even when she’s emotionally drowning, her pain feels invalidated.
She’s juggling work + household duties + social performance
Still, her actions are scrutinized:
“Why are you always tired?”
“Why didn’t you cook today?”
“You work, but he’s the man of the house.”
Even when the finances are equal, the emotional labor is not.
Let’s not make him the villain and humanize both sides.
Many Indian men were never taught how to express emotions. They were taught how to:
Provide.
Protect.
Stay strong.
But not how to:
Say, “I don’t know how to help you, but I’m here.”
Sit with discomfort.
Apologize with sincerity.
So they shut down. They avoid. They believe that silence is strength — when in truth, it’s often emotional absence. And sometimes, your husband isn’t trying to ignore you — he’s just been taught not to feel.
She feels like a shadow of who she once was. She’s not just asking to be heard. She’s asking:
“Am I allowed to express myself here?”
“Can I be soft without being called weak?”
“Will anyone hold space for my pain?”
She might say:
“It’s okay.” (But it’s not.)
“I understand.” (But she’s hurt.)
“Forget it.” (Because no one seems to care.)
She wants to be loved as a whole person — not just the caregiver, cook, or co-earner.
Healing starts before therapy. It begins in the micro-moments. What Husbands Can Try:
Ask: “Do you feel heard in this marriage?”
Practice reflective listening: “So what I hear you saying is…”
Drop the phone. Make eye contact.
Don’t interrupt with a solution — sometimes, just being present is the solution.
What Wives Can Try:
Journal your emotions before confrontation — separate feeling from fury. But I also know how impractical it may feel or seem when the emotions are at an all time high. You wouldn’t want to think about writing it all down when all you want to do is scream, punch, or leave. So, I encourage you to take a moment. Breathe. Scream. Punch a pillow. Lock yourself in the bathroom for a few moments. Or walk it out. Being calm and composed is not inherent. It is a learned skill. And that is exactly how you learn it. Know that showing emotions is not weakness.
Express needs, not accusations: “I feel unseen when I’m speaking and you’re on your phone.”
Ask for a 5-minute check-in daily — no TV, no phones, just presence.
Shared Practices:
One phone-free meal a day.
“No interrupting” rules during tough talks.
Start with a gentle check-in: “How was your heart today?”
This isn’t about perfect communication. It’s about mindful effort — together.
Also Read: Effective Communication for Couples
You deserve support.
Therapy isn’t shameful.
Coaching isn’t weakness.
Speaking up isn’t betrayal.
Sometimes, healing the marriage starts with healing yourself first.
In a world that teaches women to be soft-spoken, you’re allowed to want to be understood. In homes where men are told to be “strong,” they’re allowed to learn how to feel.
Marriage doesn’t have to be a place where love is assumed but never expressed. It can be a space of listening — not just to each other, but to the unspoken wounds we both carry.
You are not too much. You are not imagining it. And you are not alone.
“Navigating Intimacy in Indian Households”
[Download here]
Have you ever felt unheard in your relationship?
What helped you reclaim your voice?
Share your story in the comments — or send it privately if you’d rather.
And if you’re ready to work through these dynamics with someone who understands the layers — [book a 1:1 clarity session].
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