Not all relationships deserve a second chance; not all ex-partners are worth being reconnected with. However, if you wish to give each other a chance at ‘sequel romance’, we have something in store.
We bring you the seven stages of getting back together with your ex. Why do you need to get back together? Is it worth the shot? What relationship advice will work here?
We will tell you everything!
It’s certainly not easy to simply forget everything and move on. With the same person. But when your gut says ‘yes’, who can stop the romance from rekindling? Let’s navigate through certain stages before settling on getting back together with an ex.
No meeting, no texting, definitely no touching- is what this ‘space’ is all about. Now this stage can be super lonely and scary. The loneliness will creep on you that you may want to forget all the boundaries you have set for yourself and go back to them.
The space allows you and your ex the time to collect yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. Whether the breakup was mutual or heated, intense emotions always linger.
But this period doesn’t have to be lonely. Meet your friends, spend time with family, or speak with the therapist. Of course, it’s easier said than done. The right company will listen to you.
All the things you may have been believing about yourself are not the end of you. Free of your ex’s presence and impact, you will be surprised to discover new parts of you that you never knew existed or had long forgotten.
The music you like, the dresses you wish to wear, the people you hang out with- notice it all. And, most importantly, see how you feel without anyone.
You may feel various emotions- from joy to disappointment to sadness to peace; you may feel it all.
While you reminisce, take off the rosy and velvety glasses of love and look at the past with the lenses of honesty and wisdom. A lot of things, including all the red flags of your ex and yours, will become clearer.
It’s unnatural or abnormal to miss your ex while you figure out your truth. Just be patient with yourself and trust the process of connecting with yourself.
Your ex, too, has gone through a similar post-break-up journey, and you both think you are ready to re-establish contact with one another. However, keep your expectations low. You don’t have to barge into their life like the old times. Hence, the expression- dip a toe, not dive.
Keep it authentic but don’t forget the boundaries. Talk about your life and listen to them talking about there’s—no need to make haste. If you feel a sense of jealousy or competitiveness, understand that you haven’t fully healed.
Don’t offer all of you at once and expect the same in return. Instead, establish contact and maintain healthy boundaries.
Since you both are on the same page and want the second date, it’s important to lead with caution and care. Go at the normal pace (or at least try to).
You may again catch a similar whiff of their cologne, notice that mole on the arm, or the little frown when they are in the reflective mode.
But try to keep your desires PG now that you have connected with them. However, sex is inevitable- as mentioned earlier, proceed with caution. Be mindful of their boundaries and, most importantly, of yours.
These two are probably the most underrated and crucial requisites of a relationship. Honest and mindful communication while setting new boundaries shall feel strange but undramatic.
Mention your new routine and the expectations you have from the relationship and them. Be clear about what works for you now and allow them the space to be clear about what works for them.
Heal yourself by moving away from the old triggers. Practicing all this shall strengthen this new beginning.
You are no longer the same person. This is a new relationship. New romance. New era. You both are different from what you used to be. You may have old habits, but your approach towards each other may have changed, for the better or worse.
You may feel like the beginning of something extremely wonderful or end up thinking that the break-up was the best decision.
There’s only one way to find out: be open and stay present. Do you feel the same as before? Do you feel more at ease with them? Do you feel more accepted, respected, validated, and renewed? Do they feel so with you? Honor whatever your feelings may be and discuss them with your friends/ therapist.
Because you two are different people now, and this new version of you together feels new, the meaning of love will also be new for you.
Love could be deeper this time, and it may feel peaceful and not forced.
However, there’s no guarantee what you feel now shall remain permanent. Every relationship requires work. You may have figured that out by now and are ready to explore it again.
It’s important to go WAY back, where you will look at the past with perspective and not just reasons.
Your reasons can be different from your ex’s. But some reasons are too clear to ignore- unfaithfulness, abuse, toxic relationships, etc. No one should settle for crumbs when they know they deserve the whole cake.
Before reconnecting with your ex, be wary of the reasons why you broke up and if you want that again. Being cheated on or being emotionally or mentally abused in a relationship can leave you with anxiety issues.
Taking responsibility for where you went wrong in the relationship is brave. Take time to understand that you may have contributed to the break-up. Once you take responsibility for your actions, you begin to get the clarity on how you wish to move forward in a relationship and life.
Your behavior may have a pattern that is a factor in causing breakups. Have you taken the time to figure it out? Did you look at your actions and the consequences? Are there any similar patterns? Is it your behavior? Is it something else? Make sure to look deeper within yourself before getting together with your ex.
Before reconnecting with your ex, be super honest about why you really want to get back with them. You both have gone through some changes that may work out this time. But do some introspection and see if:
Now, if these are why you may feel the need to get back together with your ex, you need more time to focus on yourself. You still have some more healing left to do. Let’s think of other reasons why you may wish to get back with them:
The bottom line is you shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, no matter the love, care, or respect. If they don’t see a relationship with you, there’s no point waiting for them to change their mind. You may be hurt by such rejection, but you know that we cannot control someone’s feelings for us.
