I won’t try to sugarcoat it. Breakups are terrible. They can shake you to the very core and leave you in shambles. You feel the ground crumbling underneath your feet and the world crashing down on you.
Even if the breakup was out of the mutual agreement, the loss of love affects us. Sadly, we cannot even bring ourselves to claim to be okay because the pain of a breakup lasts.
You may be feeling deserted, lost, directionless, and whatnot. But as they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And that’s precisely the point of a breakup or separation. Or maybe not.
A breakup may lead you to a better connection with yourself, more confidence, more vital emotional and mental health, and a fresher approach to life.
It may be a complete digression, but I recently came out of a beautiful relationship, and the breakup was not at all proving to be flourishing (they are not meant to be).
I took up smoking which I had quit months ago, and I started consuming unhealthy amounts of alcohol. I wouldn’t bathe for days or budge from my bed to do anything productive.
After weeks of being ineffective, having substantially ruined my health, and watching my professional life dwindle, I woke up a day and said to myself- that’s enough!
And with a changed mindset, I began my life in a more contemporary way. I will share the list of things I did that changed my life for the better. But first, let’s take a look at what you should NOT do after a breakup.
Honestly, it’s one of the worst decisions one can make after a breakup. A deserted you gets up, goes to the salon and gets a crazy post-breakup haircut. Trust me; you will hate it and be constantly reminded of why you did it. A post-breakup haircut doesn’t give you a new personality. YOU create one.
You may be tempted to get drunk one night, find someone else and have a rebound relationship or sex with them to get over your ex. Please don’t do it. You will wake up the next day to find a completely different person you don’t even know.
First, the guilt will chew you up. And if it doesn’t happen, then it most certainly will not find you any lost happiness. On the contrary, a rebound mostly leads to regret, embarrassment and further heartbreak.
You still have the remnants of your ex in your heart, mind and soul. So if you decide to get married or settle with someone out of spite or misery, again, you will end up with a sense of unfulfillment. And your partner won’t understand or know how to make it work.
Give yourself time. Take it slow. Step by step. Like a process. Spend some time with yourself. Know what you can do alone. It’s your drive and yours alone.
It’s the hardest. I mean, I contacted my ex dozens of times to hear their voice from a voicemail message. And it only brought more ache.
Never contact your ex after the breakup. Please don’t scroll down their social media feed to check whether they have deleted photos with you. Don’t check upon them. And do not call them because you needed to have a conversation about the weather.
It also may sound uncourteous on your part, but who cares! You have yourself to take care of, your life to improve, and you have to focus on yourself.
Whatever you had with your ex’s family and friends, leave it be for a while. Only the two of you know the reasons behind your decision. Their family won’t ever be able to grasp what went wrong. So keep a distance from their close ones.
As I mentioned earlier, after my breakup, I turned to alcohol and smoking. But when has that ever done any good to any of us?
Don’t resort to unhealthy ways to cope with your sadness. Don’t numb your emotions by turning to injurious options.
Bottling up your emotions can only get you so far. Pretending that you are okay, that nothing is bothering you, is equally unhealthy.
Don’t pretend that you don’t have to grieve the loss of love. Don’t pretend that you don’t have to sulk to get them out of your system. Don’t pretend that you are doing fine by yourself.
Grieving is important. If you don’t give your emotions an outlet, they will continue to eat you up from inside until they make you hollow.
It’s in the past for a reason. Asking about your ex from a mutual friend, checking up on them through social media, sighing and crying upon seeing their photos, reading their old texts and love notes, rummaging through the legitimate reasons why it happened what happened- it’s all a part of dwelling on the past.
Don’t waste yourself doing that. Instead, give yourself a week or two, cry your heart out, listen to all the breakup songs.
And then put on your superhero cape and begin to create your happiness. It’s your life; make it count.
I think many of us do so; we break up and seek love within someone else. So be it our another ex. It’s highly advisable to not involve with your other ex again. They are exes for a reason. Respect yourself enough to put the past in the past.
You are not a creep or a sick individual to torture someone for what they did to you. You are bigger than that. I understand that you are hurt, sad, angry, frustrated. I know how all these emotions are churning your insides.
Revenge may sound like a satisfying way to get over them, but it’ll only bring a sense of momentary fulfilment. Revenge is never the answer.
Boundaries are important in any relationship. Whether it is a relationship between couples, parents and kids, friends, or two former partners. Learning to set healthy boundaries with a former partner is as important as wearing warm clothes in the season of minus degrees temperature. (Pardon me for the bad analogy.)
Now that we have established that you have broken up and are dealing with post-break-up struggles, I will still present a list of incredible and liberating things you should do to keep yourself at peace.
Breakups aren’t easy, and neither is dealing with it. You have just parted with someone you called yours, exchanged innumerable ‘I love you’s with, lived a life full of happy moments. Give yourself some time off and grieve.
Curl up in bed and cry to your heart’s content. So, let it out until you feel you can no longer cry. Then, give your sad emotions a way out for peace to return to you.
You have grieved; you have shed enough tears. It’s time to buckle up and get on the road to newness. Don’t hesitate to go out and explore!
Try out new cuisines; buy those books on your reading list. If you like to travel, book a ticket to your favourite place and live the time of your life solo! It’s your time; make the most of it!
They will always welcome you, give you the warmth you seemed to be missing. They will make you feel at home.
Meeting family can be wholesome to your emotional health. In the company of supportive and encouraging friends, you may find the old you but with revitalised energy.
I know you have read it almost everywhere, and it’s no joke! Working out and not giving in to unhealthy means of coping with a breakup always results in physical and mental health.
And if you still haven’t worked up the strength and courage to get out of your house, start there. Move for at least 20 minutes a day, even if it means walking all around your home.
Please pick up your favourite sport and play it every day. Play your favourite dancing music and groove to them. Motivate yourself, walk, run, dance, play!
You lived your past years with your ex and made the relationship your identity. Know that your relationship wasn’t your identity, and neither was your ex.
You are your identity. You are the one to revamp it, reshape it, remake it! Create a new you by taking a deeper look inside yourself. YOU ARE THE SUN, MEREDITH!
Work on that project you have put on hold for months. Join that dance class you have always wanted to. Learn to play a musical instrument(s) if you wish. Do everything you have wanted to, and don’t stop!
No one gets by in life with hatred or negativity. You don’t have to obsess over what went wrong or plan revenge to get back at them. It’s over. You have made peace with it. You grieved and are now changing your life for the better.
Forgive them because you deserve peace.
