It is not what you think it is.
Originally published on Medium.
For generations, women were told that marriage survives only when the woman submits. Not gently, not willingly — but completely. Submission meant silence, endurance, and carrying the emotional weight of the home without pause. It meant adjusting to the husband’s moods, tolerating disrespect, balancing everyone’s comfort above her own, and being the invisible spine of a family that rarely acknowledged her exhaustion.
This version of the submission wasn’t loved.
It wasn’t respect.
It wasn’t a partnership.
It was survival.
And today’s women know that survival is not the same as happiness.
It’s time to redefine submission in a way that honours women, strengthens marriages, and builds healthier families.
Most of us grew up seeing women submit in ways that broke them quietly:
• accepting yelling as “his stress”
• apologising for things they never did
• tiptoeing around his mood
• doing both partners’ responsibilities
• overlooking disrespect because “pati parmeshwar”
• adjusting their entire personality to keep the peace
• raising kids alone while he “provides”
Submission was treated as a wife’s duty, not a husband’s responsibility.
But none of this is submission.
This is a woman disappearing inside her own marriage.
A marriage built on fear, silence, or emotional imbalance is not a marriage — it is an endurance test.
Their needs, voices, and identities were secondary. Their boundaries didn’t matter.
His anger was normal. Her feelings were “too much.”
She adjusted. She soothed. She softened. She carried everyone’s moods.
We were told this is what makes a “good wife.”
But good wives were burning out.
And good men were never taught how to truly love.
Healthy submission is not silence.
It’s not obedience.
It’s not fear.
Submission is a response — not a requirement.
A woman naturally leans into her partner when she feels safe, heard, and valued.
When she knows he is emotionally present.
When she trusts his decisions because he includes her voice.
When his leadership is not dominant, but responsible.
Submission becomes softness only when the environment is safe.
• trusts his emotional maturity
• feels protected, not controlled
• knows her voice matters
• sees him showing up as a partner
• feels included in decisions
• knows he won’t weaponise anger or silence
• can put her guard down without fear
• gets support instead of judgment
Submission is not a woman losing power.
It is a woman resting because she finally feels safe.
Healthy submission is never one-sided.
Men submit too — not by losing dignity, but by opening themselves to partnership.
• asking for her input
• trusting her intuition
• softening his ego
• sharing the household load
• co-parenting actively
• handling his own emotions
• apologising when needed
• communicating with clarity
• including her in decisions
• letting her lead where she’s strong
This is mutual submission — a dance, not a hierarchy.
“No woman can submit to a man she has to raise.”
If she feels like his mother, the partnership collapses.
If he steps up as a partner, submission becomes a natural, safe dynamic.
Submission is impossible when a woman is:
• scared of his anger
• unsure how he’ll react
• carrying all the responsibilities
• expected to adjust endlessly
• managing his moods
• suppressing her needs
• shrinking to avoid conflict
• exhausted beyond repair
If she cannot breathe in her own home, she cannot submit.
If she must brace herself before speaking, she cannot submit.
Submission is not captivity.
It’s not fear.
It’s not a sacrifice of self.
It is a soft leaning-in that comes from trust.
Hosting guests, planning trips, parenting decisions — everything becomes teamwork.
Her voice matters as much as his, even if their roles differ.
No yelling.
No door slamming.
No silencing.
Hard conversations happen — but with respect.
He doesn’t shut down.
She doesn’t walk on eggshells.
They face things together.
He leads where he is strong, without dismissing her strengths.
She follows when she feels safe — not coerced.
Submission feels like rest, not restriction.
It feels like breathing, not holding your breath.
Because women today are done with surviving.
They want connection, not duty.
Partnership, not burden.
Respect, not fear.
And men deserve better, too, because a man who learns emotional maturity becomes a better partner, father, and human being.
Healthy submission:
• deepens intimacy
• builds emotional safety
• strengthens parenting
• reduces resentment
• creates stability
• honours both partners
• ends generational trauma
• teaches children what love looks like
We are rewriting what our mothers never got to rewrite.
Submission was never meant to break women.
It was meant to build connection.
The old version failed women.
The new version empowers them.
A woman submits not because she is weaker —
But because she is safe.
Not because she has no voice —
But because her voice is respected.
Not because she must —
But because she chooses to trust.
This is the submission our generation deserves.
This is the marriage our daughters deserve to see.
Share it on Instagram, send it to a friend, or talk about it with your partner.
And if you want guidance on building emotional safety, mutual respect, or healthy communication in your relationship, you can always reach me on Mindfulsome for sessions, clarity, and support.
