Originally published on Medium.

For generations, women were told that marriage survives only when the woman submits. Not gently, not willingly — but completely. Submission meant silence, endurance, and carrying the emotional weight of the home without pause. It meant adjusting to the husband’s moods, tolerating disrespect, balancing everyone’s comfort above her own, and being the invisible spine of a family that rarely acknowledged her exhaustion.

This version of the submission wasn’t loved.
It wasn’t respect.
It wasn’t a partnership.

It was survival.

And today’s women know that survival is not the same as happiness.

It’s time to redefine submission in a way that honours women, strengthens marriages, and builds healthier families.

What Submission Never Was (Though We Were Told It Was Everything)

Most of us grew up seeing women submit in ways that broke them quietly:

• accepting yelling as “his stress”
• apologising for things they never did
• tiptoeing around his mood
• doing both partners’ responsibilities
• overlooking disrespect because “pati parmeshwar”
• adjusting their entire personality to keep the peace
• raising kids alone while he “provides”

Submission was treated as a wife’s duty, not a husband’s responsibility.

But none of this is submission.
This is a woman disappearing inside her own marriage.

A marriage built on fear, silence, or emotional imbalance is not a marriage — it is an endurance test.

Why This Version Failed Women (And Families Too)

1. It demanded women to shrink.

Their needs, voices, and identities were secondary. Their boundaries didn’t matter.

2. It excused men from emotional labour.

His anger was normal. Her feelings were “too much.”

3. It made women the emotional regulators of the entire house.

She adjusted. She soothed. She softened. She carried everyone’s moods.

4. It disguised neglect as tradition.

We were told this is what makes a “good wife.”

But good wives were burning out.
And good men were never taught how to truly love.

So Then — What Is Submission? Here’s the Redefined, Healthy Version

Healthy submission is not silence.
It’s not obedience.
It’s not fear.

Submission is a response — not a requirement.

A woman naturally leans into her partner when she feels safe, heard, and valued.
When she knows he is emotionally present.
When she trusts his decisions because he includes her voice.
When his leadership is not dominant, but responsible.

Submission becomes softness only when the environment is safe.

A woman submits when she:

• trusts his emotional maturity
• feels protected, not controlled
• knows her voice matters
• sees him showing up as a partner
• feels included in decisions
• knows he won’t weaponise anger or silence
• can put her guard down without fear
• gets support instead of judgment

Submission is not a woman losing power.
It is a woman resting because she finally feels safe.

A Man’s Role: If He Wants Her to Lean In, He Must Stand Up

Healthy submission is never one-sided.

Men submit too — not by losing dignity, but by opening themselves to partnership.

A man’s submission looks like:

• asking for her input
• trusting her intuition
• softening his ego
• sharing the household load
• co-parenting actively
• handling his own emotions
• apologising when needed
• communicating with clarity
• including her in decisions
• letting her lead where she’s strong

This is mutual submission — a dance, not a hierarchy.

“No woman can submit to a man she has to raise.”

If she feels like his mother, the partnership collapses.
If he steps up as a partner, submission becomes a natural, safe dynamic.

Let’s Talk About Safety — Because Submission Cannot Exist Without It

Submission is impossible when a woman is:

• scared of his anger
• unsure how he’ll react
• carrying all the responsibilities
• expected to adjust endlessly
• managing his moods
• suppressing her needs
• shrinking to avoid conflict
• exhausted beyond repair

If she cannot breathe in her own home, she cannot submit.
If she must brace herself before speaking, she cannot submit.

Submission is not captivity.
It’s not fear.
It’s not a sacrifice of self.

It is a soft leaning-in that comes from trust.

What Submission Looks Like in a Healthy Marriage

1. Shared Responsibility

Hosting guests, planning trips, parenting decisions — everything becomes teamwork.

2. Equal Voice

Her voice matters as much as his, even if their roles differ.

3. Calm, Mature Communication

No yelling.
No door slamming.
No silencing.
Hard conversations happen — but with respect.

4. Emotional Presence

He doesn’t shut down.
She doesn’t walk on eggshells.
They face things together.

5. Trust-Based Leadership

He leads where he is strong, without dismissing her strengths.
She follows when she feels safe — not coerced.

6. Softness

Submission feels like rest, not restriction.

It feels like breathing, not holding your breath.

Why Redefining Submission Matters for Modern Couples

Because women today are done with surviving.
They want connection, not duty.
Partnership, not burden.
Respect, not fear.

And men deserve better, too, because a man who learns emotional maturity becomes a better partner, father, and human being.

Healthy submission:

• deepens intimacy
• builds emotional safety
• strengthens parenting
• reduces resentment
• creates stability
• honours both partners
• ends generational trauma
• teaches children what love looks like

We are rewriting what our mothers never got to rewrite.

A New Story of Submission — For You, For Us, For Our Daughters

Submission was never meant to break women.
It was meant to build connection.

The old version failed women.
The new version empowers them.

A woman submits not because she is weaker —
But because she is safe.

Not because she has no voice —
But because her voice is respected.

Not because she must —
But because she chooses to trust.

This is the submission our generation deserves.
This is the marriage our daughters deserve to see.

If You Found This Helpful…

Share it on Instagram, send it to a friend, or talk about it with your partner.
And if you want guidance on building emotional safety, mutual respect, or healthy communication in your relationship, you can always reach me on Mindfulsome for sessions, clarity, and support.

We use the word “love” so often that it almost loses its meaning. We say we love a person, a song, a meal, a memory — and somewhere along the way, we stop asking what love actually is. What does it truly mean to love and to be loved?

The older I grow, the more I realise that understanding love begins not with defining what it is, but with identifying what it is not. Because much of what we call love often stems from fear, attachment, validation, or habit. It may look like love, feel like love, and even sound like love, but it isn’t.

What Love Is Not

1. Anything that becomes an unhealthy obsession is not love.
When you lose yourself trying to hold onto someone, when your days revolve entirely around how they make you feel or how much attention they give you, that isn’t love — that’s dependence.

2. What doesn’t feel reciprocated is not love.
If you’re the only one trying, apologising, or saving the relationship, it’s not love. Love can’t survive on one person’s effort; it requires two people choosing each other, every day.

3. What doesn’t add to your life — emotionally, mentally, or spiritually — is not love.
If the relationship drains you more than it nourishes you, if it breaks your confidence, your peace, and your spirit, it’s not love.

4. What makes you beg for crumbs of attention, affection, or intimacy is not love.
Love isn’t about earning someone’s presence. It’s about being met halfway — with care, with intention, and with respect.

5. Anything that turns you into a worse version of yourself is not love.
Love should help you become kinder, more patient, and more whole — not bitter, insecure, or anxious.

6. Anything that makes you forsake your well-wishers, your individuality, or your inner peace is not love.
It is control, manipulation, or attachment disguised as devotion.

7. A relationship that suffocates you, silences you, or makes you feel small is not love.
It may once have been passionate or exciting, but if it now leaves you walking on eggshells, it’s no longer love — it’s fear.

8. Anything that forces you to betray yourself, your needs, or your self-respect is not love.

What Love Truly Is

Love, in its truest form, makes you a better person. It inspires growth without demanding change. It brings peace without dulling passion. It encourages you to explore your individuality while still belonging to something shared and sacred.

Love makes you feel loved, respected, and wanted. It makes you feel safe — emotionally, mentally, and physically. It doesn’t confuse you or leave you guessing. Instead, it offers stability, calm, and clarity.

In real love, there is room for both “you” and “us.” It allows space for individuality without guilt, boundaries without fear, and silence without distance. There’s mutual effort, honest communication, and mindful repair after every disagreement.

True love doesn’t mean the absence of conflict — it means the presence of care. You may argue, but you won’t destroy each other in the process. You may differ, but you’ll still hold space for each other’s truth.

When there is true love, there’s no constant self-doubt, no emotional chaos, and no power struggle. There’s trust, consistency, and peace. There’s effort that feels natural — not forced.

Love is not about grand gestures; it’s about daily respect. It’s not about butterflies; it’s about balance. It’s not about losing yourself; it’s about finding yourself again, this time more whole, more grounded, and more alive.

Redefining Love

Maybe it’s time we stop romanticising the kind of love that hurts, confuses, or consumes us. Maybe it’s time we stop mistaking attachment for depth, and chaos for chemistry.

Because love — real love — doesn’t demand that you give up your self-respect to keep the peace. It doesn’t make you choose between your heart and your dignity. It doesn’t drain your energy; it refuels it.

True love makes you feel more at home within yourself. It allows you to breathe easier, laugh louder, and live better.

So, if something doesn’t bring peace, stability, and security into your life, it’s not love — no matter how much you want it to be.

Love, when it’s right, won’t make you question yourself. It will remind you of who you are.

If you’re here, chances are you’re carrying that ache—the one that doesn’t leave you when you smile in public, work all day, or keep yourself busy with a hundred distractions.

Let’s be honest: heartbreak feels impossible. And no, it’s not just you. Almost everyone who has ever loved deeply has felt this weight.

You might wonder: Why is it so hard? Why can’t I just get over it like people say?

Think of it this way. If a window breaks, you can buy a new one. If your clothes are dirty, you can wash or replace them. If a baby cries, eventually they can be soothed. But when the heart breaks—there is no store to buy a new one from, no quick wash cycle, no shortcut. And that is why it feels so unbearable.

The Truth You Don’t Want to Hear (But Need To)

Here’s something I need to tell you: there is no shortcut to healing. And I know that’s not what you want to hear. Because what you want is the one thing no one can give you right now—relief.

So you reach for distractions. Drinking, smoking, hookups, endless scrolling, keeping yourself so busy you can’t think. And maybe they work for a night, a week, even a month. But deep down you know—it’s still there, waiting.

Then you try the “healthy” distractions. Gym, journaling, self-help books, podcasts, working on yourself. And these are good—but even these cannot be the only answer. Because heartbreak is not a problem to solve. It is an experience to go through.

Why It Feels Like a Battle

Healing is hard because it is a fight between two parts of you. The part of you that wants to hold on—because the love was real, the memories mattered, and you don’t want to erase them. And the part of you that knows you need to let go—because holding on is bleeding you dry.

Both are valid. Both are human. And both take time to settle into peace.

What Actually Heals

So what really works? Not magic. Not shortcuts. Just time + intention.

Time softens the pain, but intention guides it. Without time, you can’t move forward. Without intention, you get stuck. Healing happens when you let yourself grieve and slowly make choices that align with life, not with loss.

That might look like:

• Allowing yourself to cry without shame. Whether in front of others or in the shower, in a pub after getting drunk or alone in your room– choose your way to cope with it and heal. Because bottling everything in is going to cost you more of your sanity.

• Talking it out with people you trust, and who, you know, will support you, no matter what. Perhaps, they won’t always put up with your delusional ideas of love and they may even tell you to snap out of it. Don’t be offended with it. You may need both kinds of loves– soft and tough. But believe that you have your people. The ones you can lean onto.

• Choosing not to stalk their social media (yes, that one matters). Block them, if the need be. Or keep a check on yourself– lessen the frequency of you stalking them with each week.

• Rebuilding your routines. Not all easy, but definitely worth trying. Grieving takes a toll on your body– sleeping in all day, staying in bed, binge watching shows, binge-eating or not eating at all, not bathing, not doing any household chores, not showing up to meetings, staring at the ceiling lifelessly and listlessly. Yes, it happens. We go through it all. It’s all a part of your healing process. But slowly and steadily– drag yourself out of bed. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Make your bed or organise the strewn clothes. Do the dishes or the laundry. One thing at a time. It’s totally natural and normal for you to slip back in the old pattern of inactivity. But remind yourself to get back up and do those things– one day at a time.

• Reminding yourself daily: I am still worthy of love. Even when it doesn’t feel that way. Have people who support you unabashedly. Let them tell you that you are worthy of all the love and affection. Let them support you.

• Going no-contact (highly important and highly recommended. My ex didn’t talk to me for months; it helped us a great deal. Yes, my ex is a better person than me.)

These are not one-time acts. They are daily practices, and some days you will fail. That’s okay. Healing is not about perfection—it’s about persistence.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’re reading this, I want you to hear me: you are not weak for struggling. You are not dramatic for hurting. You are not broken for taking “too long.”

Heartbreak feels unbearable because love mattered to you. And that’s not something to be ashamed of—that’s something to respect about yourself.

There will come a morning when you’ll notice it. The weight will have shifted, the silence won’t be so loud, the ache won’t stab as sharply. You won’t even know when it happened—but you’ll realize you’re breathing easier. That is how healing works: quietly, slowly, and then all at once.

Final Thoughts

So yes, it’s hard to heal a broken heart. Hard because there are no shortcuts, and harder still because you want relief right now. But if you let time do its work, and keep choosing small intentional acts of living, you will get there.

Your heart will not remain broken forever. And when it heals, it will not just be patched—it will be stronger, wiser, and still capable of love.

No matter how deeply you love yourself, the comfort, strength, and security that comes from feeling seen by someone you love is irreplaceable. Emotional validation isn’t about needing approval.

It’s about having your feelings recognized, accepted, and valued — without judgment.
Without it, even the strongest self-love can start to feel lonely.

What Is Emotional Validation?

Emotional validation means someone listens to you without trying to fix, dismiss, or minimize what you feel.

In a relationship, it’s feeling understood — even if your partner doesn’t always agree with you. It’s when your emotions are treated as real, important, and deserving of attention.

Emotional validation isn’t about “winning” or “being right” — it’s about knowing that your inner world is safe in someone else’s presence.

Also Read: Boost Yourself: 10 Tips to Practice Self Validation 

Why Emotional Validation From a Partner Matters

Healthy relationships are built on connection — not just shared responsibilities or routines. Emotional validation strengthens emotional bonds. It creates emotional safety. It allows intimacy to deepen naturally.

Without emotional validation, even good relationships start to feel disconnected. You begin to doubt if you matter, if you’re truly seen. It’s not about being fragile — it’s about being human.

When a partner offers emotional validation, it tells you:
“I see you. I hear you. Your feelings are real to me.”

And that simple act — when genuine — can heal loneliness that self-love alone cannot touch.

The Limits of Self-Love When Emotional Needs Are Unmet

Self-love is essential. But self-love does not cancel out the need for validation from the partner.

You can know your worth, be strong, and still ache for the experience of being cherished by someone you love. Relationships are meant to reflect, nurture, and amplify our self-worth — not make us constantly fight to protect it.

When emotional validation is missing, it’s not a sign that you love yourself less. It’s a sign that a real emotional need is going unmet. And acknowledging that is not weakness. It’s honesty.

Signs You’re Lacking Validation in Your Relationship

Sometimes, it’s hard to recognize emotional neglect right away. Here are signs you might be lacking emotional validation:

• You feel invisible or unheard when you open up.

• Your feelings are often minimized, brushed aside, or met with silence.

• You crave real appreciation or admiration that never comes naturally.

• You second-guess your emotions or feel “too much.”

• You feel emotionally lonely even when you’re physically together.

Can You Heal Without Emotional Validation?

Healing is always possible. But healing without emotional validation from a partner is a lonelier, heavier road.

It demands emotional resilience — and sometimes painful acceptance that love alone cannot heal everything. Some emotional wounds require relational healing. And it’s okay to admit that.

It’s okay to want your partner to meet you there.
Emotional validation is not a luxury — it’s a basic emotional need.

How to Communicate the Need for Emotional Validation

If you realize you’re craving emotional validation, communication matters — but it has to come from clarity, not blame.

• Be clear and specific: Explain what emotional validation means to you.
  “When I open up, I need you to listen without immediately solving or minimizing it.”

• Use “I” statements: Focus on your experience, not their faults.
  “I feel disconnected when my feelings aren’t acknowledged.”

• Invite collaboration: Frame it as something you both can work on together, not a flaw in them.

• Acknowledge their efforts: When they try, even imperfectly, recognize it. Emotional validation grows when both partners feel seen.

Download the guide for better communication- The Guide to Healthier Communication

Conclusion

Emotional validation is not an extra. It is essential.
It’s how relationships grow deeper, safer, and stronger over time.

Self-love will always matter — but being emotionally validated by someone you love adds a richness, a safety, a belonging that self-love alone cannot replace.

If you’re navigating emotional disconnect, know this, you are not:

weak for wanting to be seen;
asking for too much.

You are asking for what makes love real. And you deserve to be loved attentively, not just tolerated quietly.

It’s not just Sunday brunches alone or swiping through dating apps.
It’s waking up and choosing yourself in a world that often acts like your worth depends on someone choosing you.

And that choice?
It’s not weakness. It’s not failure.
It’s courage.

Being single is about learning to love yourself when the world tells you that you need someone else to be whole.
It’s about reclaiming your life as your own masterpiece.

Let’s talk about the real power—and the real ache—of choosing yourself.

The Quiet Loneliness of Being Single

There are moments in singlehood no one warns you about.

Coming home to an empty apartment after a long day.
Buying a second movie ticket just in case.
Hoping someone would ask how your day went—and hearing only silence.

These moments hurt, not because you’re broken, but because you’re wired for connection.
Longing is not weakness.
It’s human.

The trick isn’t to deny the loneliness.
It’s to not let it convince you to settle for less than you deserve.

Strength in Being Single

There’s a fire that builds inside you when you walk through life without someone else carrying the load.

You learn:

• To hold your own heart when no one else does.

• To comfort yourself on hard nights.

• To build a life so rich that love becomes a bonus, not a necessity.

The benefits of being single aren’t about freedom to party or date around.
They’re about learning that your happiness doesn’t hang on anyone else’s choices.

It’s about being your own safe place.

How to Love Your Single Life (Even When It’s Hard)

Here’s what most people don’t realize:
Enjoying being single doesn’t mean you always feel blissful.

It means you hold space for both the joy and the ache—and you keep building anyway.

You can start with small, sacred acts:

• Design a life you love waking up to.
  Decorate your space for you. Celebrate your wins for you.

• Invest in self-trust.
  Learn to make decisions based on what aligns with your values—not based on fear of being alone.

• Build deep friendships.
  Love doesn’t only live in romance. It lives in dinners with friends, road trips, laughter over coffee.

• Practice self-forgiveness.
  There’s no shame in wanting partnership. Wanting more doesn’t mean you lack gratitude for what you have.

Also Read: Importance Of Preserving Individuality To Strengthen Your Relationship

Why Being Single Is Better Than Being Half-Loved

Choosing to stay single isn’t a rejection of love.
It’s a rejection of love that costs you your peace.

It’s better to sit at your own table, whole and unbothered, than to sit at someone else’s half-fed, half-respected.

Being single is choosing to believe:

• That you are worth waiting for.

• That real love won’t ask you to shrink, chase, or beg.

• That your worth was never conditional on someone else’s affection.

Also Read: How To Develop Self-Love & Strengthen Your Relationships

Final Thoughts: You Are Your Own Home

You don’t have to wait until you find someone else to begin your life.

You don’t have to explain, apologize, or prove anything about your singleness.
You are not “waiting” for your real life to begin.

You are already living it.

Build your dreams.
Plant your roots.
Protect your peace.

When love comes—and it will—you’ll be ready to meet it whole.

Not because you needed saving.
But because you knew how to save yourself first.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the real benefits of being single?

True freedom, deep self-awareness, emotional independence, and the chance to design your life without compromise.

How do you enjoy being single?

By cultivating a life rich in meaning, connection, creativity, and self-trust—while honoring both your joy and your longing.

Why is being single better sometimes?

Because being alone is infinitely better than being half-loved. Because peace is priceless. And because your soul deserves more than survival—it deserves thriving.

Every relationship—no matter how loving—faces moments of tension.
There are times when you need to talk about something hard: unmet needs, recurring arguments, financial stress, emotional disconnection.

But many of us hesitate. We avoid the conversation or wait until it explodes. Why? Because we fear what might happen.
Will they shut down? Get defensive? Will we make things worse?

What Makes Some Conversations So Hard?

There’s a reason we dread these talks.

Hard conversations often:

• Challenge our sense of safety

• Bring up vulnerability or shame

• Trigger old wounds or past patterns

• Risk rejection or misunderstanding

For example, telling your partner “I feel unseen lately” might feel terrifying—because deep down, you’re afraid they’ll dismiss it or take it as an attack.

But when we don’t talk about the hard things, resentment quietly builds. Silence becomes emotional distance.

Common Relationship Topics That Can Feel Hard to Talk About

• Emotional needs not being met

• Physical intimacy differences

• Financial strain or decisions

• Boundaries with family or friends

• Future goals being misaligned

• Apologies and unresolved hurt

• Feeling disconnected or lonely—even in the same room

If you’ve ever said “It’s not a big deal” just to avoid a deeper talk… this article is for you.

Before You Speak: How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

Hard conversations go better when you prepare your inner world first.

Ask yourself:

• What’s really bothering me here?

• What emotion is underneath—anger, fear, sadness?

• What outcome do I hope for from this talk?

• Am I calm enough to have this discussion respectfully?

Remember, you’re not entering a war. You’re entering a space for truth and connection.

7 Grounded Steps to Have a Difficult Conversation With Your Partner

1. Choose the Right Time

Don’t drop heavy topics in the middle of a rushed morning or during an argument. Say something like:
“Hey, there’s something on my heart. When would be a good time to talk?”

I created a guide in which I specify the timings that are not appropriate for these conversations. For example, never have a difficult talk when either of you are hungry. Get some food before you begin addressing challenging issues.

You can download the guide for free here for more such practical solutions.

2. Start With Vulnerability, Not Blame

Use “I” statements.
Instead of: “You never listen to me.”
Try: “I’ve been feeling unheard lately, and I want to talk about it.”

I understand talking without shifting the blame is not what we have been taught, and it does not come easily to us. But the more we practice, the better our communication skills get. This way, we are not putting the entire blame on them but inviting them for a conversation.

3. Focus on Impact, Not Just Intent

You may not have meant to hurt them—or vice versa—but the impact matters.
Speak to how things felt, not just what happened.

4. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Put your ego aside. Hear what they’re really saying—underneath the words.
Don’t interrupt. Don’t prepare your counterattack. Just listen.

Oftentimes, we listen to respond and not to understand. When our partner is coming to us with pain and ache, our first instinct MUST not be to throw logics at them. It is not a debate being held in a parliamentary assembly where you have to win.

Take time to really hear them, validate them, acknowledge that their pain is real. It is okay if you don’t understand it, but it is important that you are there for your partner.

5. Stay Regulated

If emotions run high, take a pause. Breathe. Walk away for a moment if needed—but come back when calm. Let them know before leaving that you need some space before you get to it. Understand that the priority is not the problem; it is the solution that works for both of you.

6. Find Common Ground

You’re on the same team. Shift from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the issue.”
Say things like: “I know we both care about this. Let’s figure it out together.”

7. End With Reassurance

Say what’s still true:
“I love you. I’m committed to working through this. Thank you for hearing me.”
That reminder softens any lingering tension.

If the Conversation Doesn’t Go Well…

Not every talk will lead to perfect resolution. That’s okay.

If it gets messy:

• Take space without withdrawing emotionally.

• Reflect on what could’ve been said differently.

• Revisit the conversation after emotions settle.

And if difficult talks always escalate or end in shutdowns—it may be time to explore couples coaching or therapy.

Final Thoughts: Conflict Isn’t the Opposite of Connection

It’s easy to think that fighting or disagreeing means something is broken. But that’s not true.

The opposite of connection isn’t conflict. It’s silence.

Also read: Guide To Managing Conflicts In Relationships

Avoiding hard conversations slowly erodes trust. Having them—consciously and compassionately—builds it.

Your relationship doesn’t need perfection. It needs two people willing to be honest, vulnerable, and present. Even when it’s hard.

Ready to Talk About the Hard Things Without Breaking Connection?

If you’re struggling with conversations that keep ending in distance or conflict, you’re not alone.

I offer 1:1 relationship coaching designed to help you build communication tools that actually work—even during the hardest talks.

Together, we’ll:

• Unpack what’s really happening beneath the surface

• Build emotional safety between you and your partner

• Learn how to express needs and hear each other with care

Book a free discovery call today and take the first step toward healthier communication.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is the best way to start a difficult conversation with my partner?
Start from a calm place. Use “I” statements like “I’d like to talk about something that’s been on my mind” instead of blaming or accusing.

2. What if my partner shuts down during serious conversations?
Gently acknowledge their reaction. Say, “I notice this feels hard for you. Can we take a pause and come back to it later?”

3. Is it normal to feel anxious before these talks?
Yes. Fear of rejection or conflict is natural. Preparation and empathy help make the process feel safer for both of you.