How to fix a broken relationship- if your relationship has come to the point of you asking this question, consider yourself a step ahead of mending what’s broken. Because you just acknowledged that your relationship needs a fix. Because you want to repair it, reconnect with your partner, and recommit to the relationship.
A good relationship is the powerhouse of a happy and healthy life. Conversely, a bad or broken or unhappy relationship will drive you crazy in life, add to your anxiety levels, adversely affect productivity, and attack your mood.
By the time a couple needs relationship therapy or relationship counselling, they have exhausted every chance of resolving their broken relationship. They have put in every little effort they know of to save themselves from breaking apart. And now they are feeling wounded, exhausted, and defeated.
But how do you know you want to fix the broken relationship? How do you identify the signs of a hidden, unearthed want of mending and repairing your relationship?
As per Dr Randi Gunther, a clinical psychologist and a marriage counsellor, there are six questions whose answers determine whether the relationship can be repaired. These questions are:
If the answers to the questions mentioned above go toward a flicker of positivity, there’s a chance of saving the relationship. In addition, there is a great chance of fixing what is broken in the relationship.
Let us talk about the issues or conflicts that couples find it hard to recover from and struggle with reconnecting with each other:
No matter the extent, couples can endure most of these challenges. And when they feel they have tried enough, they turn to marriage or relationship counselling. And that proves to be the first step towards fixing, rebuilding, and repairing the broken relationship because they acknowledge it.
It’s not easy to fix a problem as grave as a broken relationship, be it marriage or a long-term romantic relationship. But every solution begins with taking the first step and then following the next steps genuinely.
You may feel your partner does not trust you enough, or you do not understand them anymore. You may feel that the relationship no longer emanates warmth or love has left you.
But wanting to move ahead together towards a common goal of repairing, reconnecting, and recommitting is the most important step towards a better relationship.
Often, couples fail to recognise and acknowledge, or they do recognise that there is a problem but fail to acknowledge it openly. They tend to stay silent about the things that bother, hurt, or trouble them, hoping for them to resolve on their own. But it does not happen.
So, the first step towards fixing a broken relationship is acknowledging that the relationship has suffered and it’s time to seek help. The relationship’s future may seem unpromising, but the first step is always a start towards betterment.
Remember, you are a team. And you want to fix the problems, heal the wounds, and walk in the direction of a better future with each other. So, ignoring a problem will not do you any good.
But by acknowledging the fact that the relationship needs repair, you embrace the lack of understanding, not being unified, not being on the same page anymore. And the acknowledgement is all it is needed.
If the relationship is tanking because of something you did, be it infidelity, no communication or sex, or no effort from your side, take the responsibility.
Pointing fingers at one another or blaming the other partner for your lack of participation in the relationship will lead to more fighting. And eventually, more damage to the struggling relationship.
Take responsibility for where and when things went wrong, about when you stopped caring when you began to avoid each other, or how you stopped talking.
Once you take the responsibility that you wronged or contributed to damaging the relationship, an entire realm of improvement and transformation opens before you.
In the bouts of anger, vengeance, sadness, or arguments, we overlook the fact that our partner is dealing with the same heartbreak. We tend to forget that besides pointing fingers at them, we are also losing the basic level of trust and respect.
That’s where you consider the phrase ‘talk it out like an adult’. Shouting, yelling, and arguing ensue from disagreements and mistakes, and when the blaming goes a little overboard. We want to win the argument, so we will make statements that sabotage their self-respect or our dignity.
The path of being together may appear to have been tough and beyond repair. But do you think your partner is unworthy of trust and respect?
Maintain a basic level of respect and trust. Understand that your partner is also struggling. You can hold a space for your partner to be more expressive about their feelings.
It’s a toxic pattern when you bring up the unhappiness of the past to win an argument.
Let the past remain where it belongs- in the past. It is never a good practice to rub the past mistakes in your partner’s face to humiliate or insult them.
Also, read- When is a relationship toxic?
Talk about the matters in hand with calmness and patience. Make sure that the resentment and bitterness of the past experiences do not interfere with the present situation.
Even if your partner expounds on the past, convince them to stay on the matter at hand with calmness. Such a tactic is not only accepted but also appreciated. To ensure proper communication and that both partners listen to each other, avoid jumping back into the past.
Make time for each other. Schedule quality time to spend with one another. You can plan a date night or watch a movie on Netflix on Friday night. So, grab two glasses of wine and raise a toast to the good times.
Spending time together is important because you get to unwind from all day’s exhaustion. You get to understand the everyday struggles each of you has to face. You reminisce about the beautiful memories and share hearty laughter.
I know, it’s easier said than done. I know that a relationship that may look beyond repair demands your all. But we are talking about one step at a time, together.
You can compliment your partner for making a delicious casserole or tell them they look good. You can let them know you like watching movies with them. A gaze filled with admiration and appreciation alone does the trick sometimes. Your partner gets to see a difference in your attitude, and they will want to reciprocate.
Also, Read- 35 Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
That being said, it’s good to approach the beginning with no expectations whatsoever. You both are reconnecting and restarting something. It’s important to understand that it will not be like the old times. After all, you both have grown over the years. It’ll be helpful if you acknowledge each other’s growth.
Honesty, transparency, and kindness- a good healthy relationship consists of these three. The partners appreciate and respect one another for them.
Be honest about your feelings. Do not be crass or brutal. Avoid sarcasm in your opinion and suggestions. Tweak the honesty part that best suits your partner. Sugarcoat if need be but ensure transparency in what you have to say.
Also, Read- 40 Biggest Turnoffs for Men and Women in a Relationship.
“Your mother crashes at our place whenever she fights.” Instead, you can mellow it down a little and voice your opinion differently and gently. You can learn to communicate without blaming the other.
“I think it’s time we think of helping your mother with her problems.” It will lift the blame off them, and they will be more willing to listen and help.
Add an emotion in your sentence like sad, angry, frustrated, etc., followed by ‘I wondered if we could talk about it.’
Such a way of initiating a conversation will reflect your feelings. This way, you can talk without having to yell at each other. For example, ‘I felt embarrassed when our friends joked about the new house.’ In addition, it will help your partner take direct notice of your emotion.
Relationships are hard but not impossible. There are easy and healthy relationships, and relationships may seem to be not surviving. But understanding how to fix a broken relationship and practising them can help you rebuild your relationship and reconnect with your partner.
That relationship requires patience, calmness, and love with a big pinch of respect and trust. Small steps towards a common goal of reconnection, rebuilding, and recommitting will result in a healthier and more beautiful relationship.
